When you were mine
by suena
Summary: One night, we only had one beautiful night to have each other. My soft sigh and your ragged breath was all that could be heard as we made love in the dim light of the room. SXR
1. When you were mine

Suena: I dont own Inuyasha

One Night

Pain crossed my chest, an ache that had me gasping for breath. My heart felt constricted, my body begun to shake as if I was going into a panic attack.

"Rin." Sango nudged me, it wasn't a rough movement in the least, yet it had me toppling over.

"Are you okay?" Kagome asked looking in the direction I was staring, she took in a sharp breath, then stood up stiffly, hands set defiantly on her hips.

Sango smirked at the approaching men.

"Hey Sango,….Kagome." Inuyasha greeted his eyes assessing Kagome from top to bottom.

"Hey Sango, your looking fine girl." Miroku gave a low whistle and circled the tall brunet before winking at her.

A deep blush erupted upon her face, "Idiot."

I tried to turn around and walk away before he showed up, I tried to sneak away before I had to feel the full impact of seeing him, but it was too late.

"Um so I'm going to go to the bookstore real quick. I'll meet up with you guys in a sec. okay?" I said backing away.

Turning I ran smack into a hard, yet soft, warm, chest. My heart quickened, I knew this chest, I had run into so many times, I knew the scent Polo cologne with a hint of something else, never was quit sure. I lost my breath when a pair of hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me away.

I wanted to smack them away, just so I could stay in that embrace for just a bit longer, but knew all too well of the consequences that would come from that. I let them pull me away.

The heat rushed up to my cheeks and I begun to apologize, "I'm sorry Sesshomaru! I'm sorry!"

He fixed me with a hard stare.

Immediately I stopped talking and walked back to the others. Sesshomaru pushing me forward his palm on the small of my back.

I could feel a new blush cross my rosy cheeks.

Thoughts raced across my mind, pictures of us raced across my mind.

I couldn't allow him to keep touching me, otherwise my heart was bound to fly out of my chest and through the ceiling. My nerves were shot to hell and I felt like I couldn't even stand.

I walked faster and stepped to the side out of his reach.

Sesshomaru glared at me his eyes scrutinizing me, my short legs unhidden by my usual pants, why did I pick today of all days to wear shorts, my torso not as thin as most girls, my hair, short, shoulder length dull brown, bangs over grown, having been uncut for three weeks they were always in my eyes as they were now, and finally my face, big cheeks, large light brown eyes (my only good feature) and a stubby little nose with a stubborn chin.

I wasn't much to look at, hell I was as normal looking as it got, painfully normal at times.

My heart fell to my stomach when he dismissed me in the blink of an eye.

Of course. I wasn't expecting a standing ovation or anything like that, just hoping.

What was I thinking anyway? He was in love with Kagura, a senior that was currently dating Naraku, the schools all around wiz and all around star basket ball player.

She was beautiful, short hair that framed her fairy like face, a small sculpted nose, with deep hazel eyes that looked almost maroon in some light. She had no flaw a graceful body, the one a dancer needs, a ballet dancer, and she came with boobs unlike most ballerinas!

I couldn't even hate her because, well she rocks.

She helps Kagome Sango and I out whenever were in a bind, gets us all invited to parties and enjoys making us all laugh.

So really what comparison am I to THAT?

"Rin? RIN!"

Startled I looked up at Sango and smiled, "Hey what's up?"

"Well nothing much sleeping beauty except that we have to go, come on. Inuyasha is having a party tonight and said were all invited." She pulled me out of the mall Kagome hot on our trail.

That night I sat looking at myself in the dresser mirror. My glasses were replaced with new contacts, while my shorts and shirt were traded in for a pair of Levi's and a button up baby blue shirt. I smiled though tears were silently sliding down my cheeks. 'As always, this is as good as it's gonna get.' I thought before wiping away the tears and smiling.

Kagome sat on her bed, as she applied her finishing touches to her make up.

When she looked up I felt envy overthrow my heart. "Oh Kagome, you look so pretty! Inuyasha is going to fall over himself when he sees you!" I gushed grinning.

She looked at me an expression of pity on her beautiful face. "Rin, speaking of falling over yourself, what happened to you today?"

"Yeah, you were fixing to ditch us right there! Is…is it because of Sesshomaru?"

Shame, "I'm sorry guys. I just, I didn't want to see him." I looked around at each of their faces, pity.

Pity was all I saw.

"Rin, you know maybe I can introduce you to Kohaku, my younger brother, I mean he is a little bit younger than you but only by a month!" Sango exclaimed looking me dead in the eye.

"Oh that sounds like a great idea, Sango!" Kagome responded throwing her hands up.

I looked at the two girls, both were striking beauties, both had all they wanted within their grasp, then I turned and stared at myself in the mirror once more.

I had nothing, I was nothing.

I didn't come from a rich family, I didn't have once thing about me that wasn't normal.

Me? Tears stung my eyes once more, I was a monster. I couldn't love, my heart hurt too much to be able to fully love someone. THAT is why Sesshomaru doesn't want me. He didn't deserve me, he never did anything bad enough to have me dumped with him for the rest of his life.

I looked back at Sango and Kagome who both stared at me with expecting eyes.

"No, I don't want another man to break me even more."

"What do you mea-" Sango was cut off mid sentence by a shrill honk.

"That's the guys, come on let's go!" Kagome rushed grabbing both our wrists and all but pushing out of the house and cramming us into Inuyasha's bright red Mustang.

He looked back at us and gave a smooth smile, "Hey guys, ready to go?"

"Yes yes now hurry up and drive." I said waving my hand.

"Hello Sango, Kagome, Rin." Miroku grinned.

The drive was 15 minutes and completely and utterly boring.

Kagome chatted and batted her eyes at Inuyasha the whole ride there, while Sango playfully slapped and flirted and talked with Miroku.

As always I was the fifth wheel.

The house was beautiful, itself but with the climbing vines and Roses surrounding the property it was magnificent.

Three stories with an attic and a pool out back.

Of course with Inuyasha's Dad being a well known Plastic surgeon while his mom was a Brain surgeon this house was probably an easy thing to get.

I smiled and thanked Inuyasha when he opened the back seat for me, but he didn't hear me, in fact I don't think he would have heard anyone or anything at that moment. He was dumbstruck by Kagome.

His eyes gazed adoringly at her, taking in her beautiful curves well curled hair and big doe eyes.

I felt want slap me across my face. Oh how I wanted someone to gaze adoringly and lovingly at me like that.

But I knew what would come of that, the only thing that ever comes from loving someone. Pain.

I looked away from the couple and turned to Sango only to find her wrapped in Miroku's arms her eyes closed her face content, again I felt that all too familiar ache.

I ventured up the steps by myself and knocked.

Kagura answered the door, she too looked like a gem.

Her short hair was pulled back into a bun her bangs framing her heart shaped face, long thick lashes out lining and widening her already big eyes.

"Hello Rin! How are you?" she looked behind me and giggled, "Guess their all a little busy, eh?"

I turned back to my friends and laughed, "Yeah, I'm good and how about you?"

She shrugged and shut the door behind me.

The house was packed, people stood on the dance floor bodies so close together it looked like they were connected.

Kagura had gone back to Naraku and was talking with him so that left me the odd one out once more.

I sighed and went to the kitchen.

Beer was being served.

May as well drink for tonight only, not like you have school tomorrow.' I thought to myself before drinking my first of many beers.

On the third bottle I was thoroughly bored with the party and was walking around the house admiring the pictures and paintings that decorated the large expance of white wall.

I Had made my way up to the attic my beer was long gone, but I hadn't found a trash can to dump it in so I still had it with me. I opened the door and smiled.

A small lamp in the far right corner gave off enough light to see the quaint room.

It was peaceful with paint and paintbrushes stacked on a small table near a vast canvas that had the beginnings of a painting on it. A telescope was fastened by the window that over looked the vast estate that the Taishos owned.

I took a quick peek into it and gasped, the milky way was able to be seen.

Tears pricked my eyes, I had never seen something so beautiful. I smiled and moved it up a little to gaze at the moon.

"Rin."

Startled I jumped up succeeding in knocking over the telescope and making myself lose my balance.

Sesshomaru caught me before I could hit the ground, but sadly he didn't catch the telescope, and now it lay in two peaces on the floor, it's lens lay on the floor a few inches from the body.

"Crap." I jumped out of Sesshomaru's arms and bent down to pick up the two objects. My heart was already pounding.

He staggered as he got up, I then realized that he was drunk.

"Sesshomaru, how many beers have you had?" I asked looking at the chair a few feet away. "Do you want to sit down?"

He growled at me glaring, "Im not drunk Rin." He replied emotionlessly.

I felt a thrill rise up inside my body when I heard that feral growl, but taking another look at him I smiled inside my mind, he was swaying.

"Ah but still, it's a comfy chair!" I sang out chair and hopped up and down showing it's comfortable.

He groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, " Rin do not bounce on that chair it's an antique and you might break it." He said rubbing his temples.

I felt my heart throb painfully in my chest, he thought I was heavy enough to break the stupid chair, I wasn't THAT fat! "yeah. Sorry." I murmered getting up.

I walked to the other side of the room and sat on the window sill, it was cold outside, the autumn chill taking effect. I loved it.

Looking at Sesshomaru's reflection in the mirror I felt sadness wash over me.

He could never love me, this man of so many words that were silently spoken through suck expressive eyes.

Sesshomaru looked vulnerable drunk, his hair swaying in the gentle breeze the overhead ceiling fan gave off. I wanted to touch it, to run my fingers through it, to kiss him.

I shook my head chasing away those thoughts when one wormed it's way out and full force into my mind.

Sesshomaru is drunk.

He is not sober

What if…

Before I lost my courage I strode over towards him, my hips swaying more than usual while I hoped they gave off the same effect Kagome does when she gives her hips more sway.

He sat in the "antique" chair still rubbing his temples.

I leaned over making sure to huff a gentle breath in his ear, "What are you doing?" I asked placing my hand casually on his shoulder.

I didn't know what I was doing, it was a crazy thought and stupid thing to go through with it.

Sesshomaru stiffened, every muscle within his body freezing.

"Rin, stop."

I felt my rebellious side growl out, "No." I wrapped my arms around his neck in a lose embrace, running my palms over his chest, and then over his shoulders.

He hissed his head falling back.

I felt excitement buzz through my system.

I didn't know how fast Sesshomaru was, one moment he was in the chair the next he was across the room panting his golden gaze fixed on me.

"Little girl, do you know what game your playing?" He growled, his fists clenched.

My courage fled, and I was stripped of my self-confidence.

I felt very ugly in that moment, Sesshomaru sneering at me disgust etched so clearly in his yellow glare.

"I'm sorry." I whispered heading for the door, tears already flowing down my cheeks.

"No." He grabbed me before I could even reach the knob and held me up against the wall, his body mashed up against mine, fitting me in all the right places.

"Oh…" I felt the moan escape me, when he bucked rubbing himself against my thigh, he was aroused.

I blushed as I felt his length pressed tightly to me.

Sesshomaru glared at me, "You started this, were ending it." he murmured, his breath tickling my ear, before he delved his tongue into it.

I felt a jolt of energy and excitement race throughout my body.

He kissed my neck and sucked on my earlobe.

His teeth grazed my bottom lip before he kissed me.

It felt so right, to have him kiss me. His tongue teasing my own, showing me how to kiss.

I'd never kissed anyone in my whole life, it was wonderful, so powerful to feel it.

Of course Sesshomaru has had countless girlfriends so he was probably used to it.

He sucked my bottom lip once more before letting go.

"I've always wanted to do that." He whispered his breath a little ragged.

"Huh?" I asked dazed.

"Suck on your lip," He took my lower lip in his mouth as if to prove a point and sucked it gently.

I moaned and held his face.

He let go and kissed a trail down my neck, it took awhile for me to notice but by the time I did I was already shirtless and soon to be bottomless.

I felt self conscious and grabbed for my shirt once more.

"W-wait!" I got out from beneath him and pulled the sleeves on and buttoned up three of the ten bottons when Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around me in a strangle hold and laid me back down on the floor.

"No Rin." He murmured. His hands pushed my shaking ones away, he kissed me again while he unbuttoned my shirt once more, the pushed the sleeves off.

He closed his eyes when he looked down at me.

I looked away ashamed. My body wasn't beautiful at all to him. I tried to see myself through his eyes and what I saw, I didn't like.

Breast, way to big, and a plump but not chubby or fat tummy. Great. He had to close his eyes in disgust.

A tear slipped out, I couldn't help it.

I had always day dreamed about how it would feel to make love to Sesshomaru, to him though this was just sex, to me right at that moment, it was making love, beautiful passionate love.

He licked away the tear.

Licked it, didn't catch it on his finger and taste it, no he bent down and licked the side of my face.

I blushed. "Sorry."

Annoyance overtook his face, "Stop saying that word, Rin."

"Sor- uh okay." I looked away embarrassed.

He looked into my eyes while his hand ran over my stomach and over my breast.

He squeezed and I saw stars.

"S-Sesshomaru…"I called his name and held onto his arms.

He stared at me before pulling me up against him in a sitting position.

His hands roamed my back and I felt it as he unclasped my bra.

Laying me back down he removed my bra and stared down once again.

I looked into his face, and saw nothing that could tell me of what he thinks of me.

Emotions welled inside me. I had wanted Sesshomaru for so long it was pathetic, and in the end I was getting him for only one measly night.

I would take it.

He leaned forward and lapped my nipple once, and it was all it took for me to call out.

He hushed me clearly amused at my reaction.

Sesshomaru ran the very tip of his finger around my nipple and then grabbing it.

Leaning forward once more he licked around the dark ring the blew cool air successfully making it hard, I reached around grabbing a handful of hair and pulling him to me, he latched on to my breast and sucked.

It was a very intense feeling, and it had me bucking up against him.

Sesshomaru kissed me once more before his hands traveld south.

He unzipped my pants then unbuttoned them.

A new blush surfaced when he pulled down my plain cotton white under wear. I wished I had a pair of sex red panties with a matching bra then.

How odd to feel embarrassed about wearing plain white under garments, I shook off the thoughts and watched.

Sesshomaru took out the rubber band that held my hair back and starred.

I felt a lot of things at that moment, so many emotions swelled inside of me.

I wanted to go hide under a rock, to go and turn out the lamp so he couldn't see me for who I really was.

Nothing could have prepared me for the words that escaped his lips in the following seconds.

"Rin…" He buried his face in my neck inhaling my scent, "you're so beautiful."

I laughed then as sadness crashed inside of me.

I reminded myself that he was drunk and had no idea of what he was saying.

He spread my legs and settled himself between them.

I wasn't expecting him to flip us so the yelp that came out was justified.

"Hush, Rin." He growled glaring at me.

I sat on top of Sesshomaru, his body so touchable, so undeniably handsome, his face held no flaw and here I was sitting on the gods masterpiece!

Leaning to the side I tried to get off, but Sesshomaru held me in place.

"No, Rin." He murmured, running his fingers through my hair and pulling my down towards his mouth.

The kiss was once again explosive and on my part innocent. His tongue coaxing mine out and into his mouth where he sucked on it and then returned it far too early.

He stopped the kiss holding my head in his hands.

"Rin."

"Hm?"

"Touch me."

That bowled me over.

I begun to tremble all over, I couldn't touch this man, he was too…perfect.

"What?" I asked, maybe I had heard the wrong thing.

"Touch me."

Then again, maybe not.

I tried once again to get off but once again Sesshomaru stopped me.

"H-how?" I asked.

He held my wrist in a light but secure hold and pressed it against his throat.

Letting go he let me do the rest.

I pulled off his shirt, he leaned up to get it over his head.

He was breathtaking. Better than any water fall and ocean and sunset and sunrise on the face of the earth.

His chest was a light tan, his abdomen a maze of expanse muscle and power.

I had to touch it, I couldn't help it. My hands had minds of their own, one was tracing his stomach muscles while another was gently gripping his biceps.

"Rin."

I looked up to him but was surprised, his eyes were closed.

He had just called out to me.

I felt happy then so content.

I laid down pressing my cheek against his breast bone listening to his heart.

'He's not yours for the taking, only for tonight.'

The thought crossed my mind so fast yet it left a lasting impression.

I was off him faster than he could keep me from getting off.

He looked at me one eye brow raised.

I looked away embarrassed.

'Only for tonight.'

The thought was back and I knew it spoke the truth.

Sesshomaru was not mine for the taking, only for tonight.

I smiled and walked back to him, though I felt like crap.

Reaching out I unclasped his pants and pushed them down.

He did the rest, taking off his boxers and letting me stare in awe.

"Come here, Rin."

I was at his side in a mili-second.

Sesshomaru pushed me back down on the ground, spread my legs and before I could stop him had his fingers deep inside of me.

My body was humming with pleasure.

He seemed to be concentrating, his fingers were diving in and out of me, I was bucking with him, moaning out his name.

I felt my body clench and suddenly I became very hot.

Panting, I gazed at Sesshomaru.

He was looking at me.

I groaned wondering what he saw.

I felt my blood boil before it all built up in one earth shattering moment.

Sweaty I lay beside myself seeing stars.

Sesshomaru wrapped my legs around his waist and in one swift movement was inside me.

A soft pop was heard and pain flowed through me.

"Ack!" I groaned.

Sesshomaru stilled.

Minutes passed and I wasn't sure if the pain had subsided.

He made a small movement, and I moaned.

Within seconds he was pounding into me, his thrusts deep and intoxicating.

I felt myself begin to climax once more, my muscles clenching inside my stomach.

Sesshomaru reached between us, his fingers stroking me, before he became still.

A low hiss escaped his mouth, his seed spilled into me.

He pushed himself up and off of me.

Sesshomaru reached from behind the sofa in the middle of the room pulling out a big bark blue blanket.

I wrapped myself in it and laid down, I didn't know Sesshomaru was going to lay down with me as well.

Nor did I expect him to wrap his arms around me and fall asleep like that.

We made love 3 more times that night, our minds lost in the passion and throws of sex, my heart was lost as well.

I knew it was just sex to him, and he was merely getting rid of a need, but I was making love, I was not just having sex, I was giving away my heart.

I was too ashamed to return to school, so I moved to a different town to live with my mother.

Nine years have passed since then, and I have become older and wiser

Of course having a child to care for will force you to do that.

Nine months afterwards, I had a baby girl. He doesn't know about her, and if I have it my way, he never will.

I often hear about him, on the radio when I'm driving to work, or on T.V. when I watch the news, he hasn't married, but from what I saw Kagome has married his younger brother Inuyasha and Miroku has asked Sango to marry him.

They don't know where I am. I didn't tell anyone. Of course now I must go back, but only for a couple days, my father passed away and I must attend his funeral and clean out his house.

I don't think it will be too long a stay, but I'm not looking forward to it.

Suena: Well I don't know if I'm going to leave it like this or continue on with a story. Thank you for reading.


	2. Home

_**HOME**_

I opened the back seat letting Irina hop in with her small overnight bag, all her other cloths had already been packed and were now stowed away in the trunk of the my car.

"Mama! Look, look! Do you see it!? It's pretty, isn't it?" Irina tells me pointing to the window, her long white bangs framing her heart shaped face, as her pig tails bounced up and down with her erratic movements.

"I see it, Irina. Now sit down," I reached in my bag and pulled out some white paper and a box of crayons, "Here draw something for grandma to see when we get back home, okay?"

My thoughts drifted away from me for the most part as I drove along the highway I had taken so many years ago, to escape a home I now had to return to.

The radio played soft background music, my eyes peeled looking at the road ahead of me, making sure I don't see any suicidal Does.

When I do come across the treacherous deer it thankfully isn't the more skittish female, but a lone buck, "Look Irina it's a deer!" I say nodding to the left.

"OH MY GOSH! She's pretty!" The little girl stares with wide eyed wonder at the magnificent animal as we pass it by. Looking in the review mirror I see her head still turned as she savors the last glances of the deer.

When she turns back to me I feel such a rush of pride and love.

Her big hazel eyes that almost look gold turn ahead eager to see more wildlife, white hair identical to her fathers plays out around her face, tan skin from playing outside for hours make her the most beautiful sight to me.

"Hey you know this song, sing it to me Irina." I say turning up a classic and laughing as her high pitched voice sings along, game for anything she is.

It's nearly dark when I start to see the city limit signs,

Risenbul, 20 miles

I look back anxiety taking over my body as I watch the light rise and fall of Irina's sleeping form.

Risenbul, 5 miles

My hands begin to shake, my breathing comes out in short breaths, my lungs feel as if they're constricted.

Welcome to Risenbul!

I pull over to the side of the road and lose the burger I had for lunch.

"Mama? Are you okay!" Irina asks from inside, the door opens and she's behind me patting my back in an effort to comfort me.

Tears are streaming down my face, I take out the water bottle I bought from the seven eleven five miles out and rinse my mouth.

I wipe my face and smile gathering Irina in my arms I nod, "I'm okay now. We'll be okay." I tell her kissing her cheek.

She wrinkles her nose, "That's good Mama, but your breath stinks." She wriggles out of my arms and gets into the car again buckling her seat belt.

"Uh!" Insulted I jump in and start back down the familiar road leading to Dad's house.

Puling into the drive way I stop the car, taking a few deep breaths I look up at it, two storied all the lights off the front porch swing gently swaying in the cool autumn breeze.

"What are you waiting for? Do I get off?" Irina asks unsure of how to proceed.

"Yeah we get off, grab your bag okay." I tell her popping the trunk and taking our three luggage cases to the front door. I stopped turning back to the city, the lights were still shining brightly even from the distance I could see it.

Looking up I saw little of the night sky, only a few stars twinkled, most hidden from view but the moon also stood her ground shining her light down on me.

I sighed and walked in turning on the lights.

Tears hit me as I thought of my father, his hard exterior a feeble bluff for those who really knew the kind man inside, the hard worker who never missed a day of work.

The father I left because of my shame, the man who died alone in this house when he fell down the stairs and proceeded to have a heart attack.

The man who was found a few minutes later when a neighbor came to complain about the noises that were being made.

I laid Irina down in my old room tucking her in and staying at her side waiting for her to drift off to sleep.

I got into the almost ancient bathtub, the hot water beating my skin, I looked up to the ceiling sniffling trying desperately to not break down crying.

The air felt cold when I got out, dressed into an old shirt and pajama bottoms I walked out to the porch.

I thought back to when I was small, when daddy came outside to drink his beer in hand as he starred out to the sky the radio playing soft music, I remember coming and sitting on his lap as he told me stories about his youth, his strong heart beating in my left ear as my right took his old stories to heart...

"_You saw my crying at the chapel, the tears I cried where tears of joy..."_

_The old song played softly as I walked out, an old work shirt five times my size took the place of a nightgown, i didn't mind because i held his scent and when I felt scarred at night it felt as though he was with me, fighting the monsters._

"_Daddy, I'm scarred in the house alone, can sit with you?" I ask tears rolling down my cheeks._

_He smiles to me, his hair falling into his eyes as he extends his hand, rough from working, "Come on Rin." He tells me._

_Smiling I leap into his embrace curling up in a ball his large chest falling and rising._

"_You know when I was younger I used to go out fishing with my own Dad. I had an old fishing pole I had bought from a garage sale it was old and I didn't think about how flimsy it was i was just happy I had a damn rod! Now when I was on a trip with my Dad I caught this big catfish..." _

_I laughed as he continued his tale, the catfish was clever and had broken the rod making Daddy so mad he went chasing it into the water, of course it got away leaving papa cold and steaming._

_I fell asleep listening to it, and in the morning I woke to the smell of Pancakes, bacon as well, it was Sunday, his day off and he always, always made breakfast..._

Tears had me on my knees, sobs wracked my body, I was wailing calling out for daddy My eyes snapped shut.

Arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders and someone begun to rock me back and forth, opening my eyes and trying to sober up I looked into Kagome's face.

"Hey." She smiled, but it broke and her chin wobbled, "I M-MISSED YOU, RIN!" She wailed holding my tighter, I wrapped my arms around her and again cried.

"He's gone, Kagome! Oh god he's gone, I'm such a fool! I left him, i left you and Sango! God she must hate me!" I cried into her shoulder as another pair of arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders.

"No, I don't hate you...Rin." A voice so familiar yet so new whispered, cracking when she whispered my name.

"Sango?" I asked not quite believing it.

"Y-Yeah." She nodded and held on as we all cried in gasps.

An hour later we still sat on the steps of the front porch, each of us holding a beer, Sango flicking her cigarette every now and then.

We were all sitting in a comfortable silence, each of our voices still raw, eyes still puffy noses still runny.

Kagome shifted and looked at me expectantly. "Why did you leave?" She ventured.

Looking into her eyes then Sango's I sighed standing up I walked into the house, up the stairs and opened my old bedroom where my daughter slept.

Kagome gasped while Sango stared at her small form.

Sango was the first to move, she walked in, quietly and pulled back the covers, when she turned back to me tears once again rolled down her cheeks.

"Oh, Rin...I just knew it had something to do with him...but...I-I never..." She couldn't finish her sentence, tears clogged her throat.

Kagome stepped forward peering down at Irina. She ran her hand through her hair and over her cheek.

"I never knew you had a baby, I knew something was up when he started asking for you. Oh Rin..." Kagome walked out and let out a wail in the hallway, Sango followed suit.

I covered Irina and followed.

I walked along the narrow path leading to the stairs in a daze. My hands tracing the wall, my finger poking a little hole that I made when I was a child playing with the nails and hammer. Dad found it after I tried to cover it with a little picture I drew.

I went to the fridge and opened up another beer bottle.

Sango sat on the swing staring out into the open fields while Kagome sat on the railing looking up at the house.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, walking towards the old swing that still dangled from the 200 year old oak tree out front.

"She is beautiful,..." Kagome cut off her sentence as if she were about to say something horrible.

"She looks like him." Sango finished for Kagome.

I smiled, "I know." Looking up to the moon I sigh, "It was the night Inuyasha invited us to the party at his house, remember? His parents where out."

They both nodded and came to stand beside me.

Sango lit another cigarette while Kagome and I took a swig of beer.

"He was drunk, you guys know how crazy I was about him. The chance was offered and I took it. I didn't want to go back to school, to see his face after we'd shared something so...wonderful and know that he regretted it. I was ashamed as well but mostly it was because I loved him so damn much that I knew I couldn't make it if I saw him with someone else so I left. I didn't want you two to know, to know how weak I was-"

"Your not weak! You never were, hell I would have done the same thing, Rin!" Sango interrupted squeezing her bottle.

"Well it was a month before I knew anything... I had early signs, not being able to stomach some smells and morning spells where I would puke until I cried. Mama understood though and she helped me a lot, helped me finish school and everything. I could tell though that Daddy was disappointed in me.

He was happy to have Irina yeah, in fact he was the first one who held her, he helped me deliver, being by my side because Mama had all but passed out from worry." I laughed my heart soaring to my father who had looked so proud holding Irina who then looked like a pink shriveled up old woman with silver hair glittering in the light. My laughter soon turned into sobs and I was again in the arms of Sango and Kagome.

"Rin, I'm sorry..."

"It'll get better..."

They went home around 4 am, both exhausted and half drunk, I told them to be safe as I made my way upstairs and into bed, Daddy's bed.

He sheets smelled like him, his musky scent.

In fetal position I cried again dreading the next day when i would have to go to a funeral I thought wouldn't be taking place until I was well into my fifties.

Sleep found me thank goodness.

When I woke the next day Irina slept beside me, her hair scattered around her head snoring lightly.

Looking over her shoulder I checked the clock, 12 pm.

The service started at 3 from there the funeral would take place at 7.

I got up feeling numb and washed my face. I had to find a suit for daddy to wear.

I opened the closet and begun looking through it, finding old work shirts and a few other shirts that he wore when he was either going to bed of working out in the yard fixing something or other. I was halfway through the rack when I found something, an old black suit, still good and wrapped since the last time he had it dry cleaned. I closed the closet as fast as i could feeling tears sting the back of my eyes.

Taking it out I laid it out on the bed and woke Irina.

I got into the car and drove over to the small clinic and gave them the suit, the receptionist nodded sadly to me taking the suit and then calling someone up to come get it.

I turned and bustled Irina out the door.

At home I told Irina to shower while I fixed my hair and applied my makeup.

Taking my cloths out I put on a black gown then a pair of old matching black pumps.

I picked out Irina's black dress frilly at the end with her black shiny shoes and white socks, when she too was dressed I pulled her into the bathroom and brushed her hair letting it freely fall into little ringlet curls.

The drive to the church was short but to me it felt like forever, I was the first person to walk up to the open casket and stare down to my fathers face, Mama was there too tears rolling down her cheek as she reached in and caressed my daddies cheek before she turned away trying to stifle her sobs.

The ceremony was long as I stared spaced out almost dead to the world.

The funeral was my downfall, I was lost, numb as I listened to the preacher, I was in the front row as my daddies casket was closed and lowered into the earth, I watch as my daddy was buried and watched as everyone left, leaving my mother me and Irina to deal with the aftermath of my fathers death.

Mama stood tears in her eyes, I knew she still loved him, she never divorced my father and now she was a widow. She left because my daddy had cheated on her. For years she tried to forgive him and in the end she did but it was too late, he had told her no and that he no longer wanted her.

He kept me because Mama at the time had to start from scratch and only had enough money for a one room apartment in a bad side of a town six hours away.

I knew that deep down daddy still loved mama though, and that he too was hurt at her refusal of him.

Now I sit, Irina with Mama in the kitchen baking a cake, thinking about what I was going to do when two cars pull up in front of the house.

Kagome jumps out the passenger seat of a silver 2008 Mercedes Benz SLR roadster tears streaming down her face, "Rin! I'm sorry, Rin! I don't know how he found out!" She cries her face in her hands.

Then Sango hops out of the front wheel anger flashing in her magnificent eyes, "It was the damn paper! The section where the deaths are reported!" Suddenly she too is crying.

Two men get out of the second vehicle a 2009 Dodge Ram 1500, one had long white hair pulled back in a high tail his face stunningly handsome, with light hazel eyes almost yellow and tan skin as well as buff. The other man had short black hair with a little rat tail, his eyes were a breath taking shade of purple, he too was very good looking.

It was then that it hit me.

"Miroku? Inuyasha?" I asked and both men looked my way.

"Rin. You haven't changed a damn bit!" Miroku said squeezing me until I saw stars.

Inuyasha came up as well shaking my hand smiling.

"Hey, Rin."

I laughed, "Hey Inuyasha."

"Inuyasha! Tell her!" Kagome wailed.

I was confused and looked to them all, Sango and Kagome both angry with tears streaming down their faces, to Inuyasha and Miroku who seemed agitated.

"Tell me what?" I asked as a black 2008 Lotus Elise pulled up with an angry screech.

The drivers door swung open and he stepped out into the sun.

His hair flashed beautifully in the light, pulled up in the same style as Inuyasha's hair, his eyes cold light hazel watched me. His cloths were refined, that of a business man, but I could see the muscle that was hidden beneath it. His lips were thinned into a disapproving frown.

He was as beautiful as ever.

"Sesshomaru." I whispered, it was then that Irina ran out of the house onto the porch smiling.

"Mama! Mama grandma told me to come tell you that the cake is ready!" She told me excited un-knowing of the situation at hand.

Sesshomaru's eyes darted to her, I could see what he saw.

Her silver hair, her hazel almost golden eyes features that I nor anyone else in the world held.

"Rin." He growled my name sending shivers racing up and down my spine.

**SUENA: I don't own Inuyasha nor the song, it's called "Crying in the chapel" By Elvis Presley and that too I do not own. R&R please.**


	3. Reconcile?

_**RECONCILE?**_

I turned, grabbing Irina's arm and ran for the house.

"RIN!" Kagome shrieked, but it was too late, I was lifted off the ground, Irina was out of my reach and looking after me with panic in her large golden eyes.

"Let me go!" I screamed, Miroku and Inuyasha where closing in, but one look from Sesshomaru had them turning back around.

"You bastard, let me go!" I punched at his back, but before I could land another blow, I was thrown into the back seat of the black car, and in the next instant he was pulling out of the drive way, Mother now stood on the steps staring with a confused gaze after us.

I tried to open the door but it was child locked, guess he did have a kid somewhere.

Heart pounding in my ears I calmed myself and sat back and waited for him to stop.

I had a long wait though, as we sat the silence between us was deafening, I hated it.

I longed to reach out and brush his cheek, still so refined after all these years.

Or stroke his silver hair, press my face against the base of his throat and listen to his heart beat.

I shook my head, I already knew what would come of that, nothing at all but pain.

'It's not okay to love someone, because in the end all you get in return is everlasting pain, and scars that take years upon years to heal. Never will I take that final step off the cliff, because I know all too well that there's no one there to ever catch me.

I felt the pain resurface, so many feelings that I'd locked away.

The pains that had me on my knees begging God to take them away.

My heart hurt.

Those three words would be enough to halt anyone. To stop even the strongest and bravest of warriors.

I was too ugly, too angry to fall in love. Too selfish, too sad to fall in love.

It was not for me, I could never be in love. I could love, but never would I be able to accept it.

Sesshomaru glared at me through the review mirror, his canines where visible, and I shuddered when he growled through pure rage.

He made a sharp turn and then we were on the grounds of a large house, vines climbing the sides, roses adding color as well as bachelors buttons.

He turned off the engine, I opened my door taking a deep breath, following him up the steps willing myself not to turn and run. I had to get this over with and maybe then, just maybe I could put Sesshomaru's memory to rest and along with him, my lasting feelings.

We entered a large dinning room, dark wood table and a desks with one book case decorated it, otherwise it was dull.

He sat me down rather harshly and took the seat across from me, then faced me anger oh so evident in his beautiful eyes, and face.

"You've become such an ugly person, Sesshomaru." I told him, knowing full well that I should tell myself that.

He growled his face becoming distorted as he pulled back his lips to show his fangs.

I read him easily enough in this state and begun to feel a little confident. A smile broke out on my face.

"Your a very angry soul, and you've ripped people apart, striping them of all their worth over the years." I felt the tears come and held them back.

"Quiet, Rin." He ordered making me immediately shut my mouth.

He stood then, so quiet, like a docile deer, but I knew what was going on, he was about to explode.

A hand was placed on the table, and with a flick of the wrist it was sent flying across the room, into the bookcase, breaking the table in half and obliterating the bookshelf.

His gaze flew to me, his eyes where now red, I was about to bolt.

Sesshomaru pushed my chair back against the wall, his body blocking my escape while he seethed in front of me, his chest rising and falling with each angry breath he took.

"Is she mine, Rin!" He hissed.

"No, she's not." I remarked sarcastically.

"RIN!"

"Sesshomaru, don't act stupid! Of course she is, who the hell else would I have slept with! Huh! Who! You were the only one!" I screamed tears falling down, staining my shirt. I stood and grabbed the collar of his shirt pulling him closer to me.

"Yes, she is yours. Now take me back you fucking bastard." I whispered mentally counting to ten trying to calm down my temper.

He growled and ripped my hand away from him and pushed me back down on the chair.

"Your staying bitch." He growled and picked me up.

I punched him, though he didn't flinch. In fact I was the one injured, I bet he wouldn't even get a bruise. My knuckles where bleeding.

He opened a large red oak door and threw me on a bed covered with silken sheets.

I jumped off and charged at him, a punch square in the jaw, he didn't flinch, a kick to the gut, not a wince, last I jumped on his back and tried to break his arm or something along those lines, I didn't even harm him.

He pushed me back onto the bed begun to take off his shoes.

"What the hell are you doing!?" I screamed when he begun to un-button his shirt.

"Get undressed." Was his genius reply.

"Fuck you!" I told him making a B-line for the door.

He grabbed my hand and pressed his body against mine and buried his face in my neck taking in my scent.

"I plan to." He whispered coming up and throwing me on the bed.

I was too shocked to move, my heart was pounding in my ears, my body was shaking from want while my mind was going nuts.

He ripped off his shirt, the buttons flying in different directions, as they parted to reveal his body.

He hadn't changed, except maybe to become more toned and from the pub-tent larger as well.

I closed my eyes fighting the wave of heat that had me bucking even before he touched me.

Reaching for me, his eyes returning to the fine golden shield he made my heart do things I'd wished them not to.

I pushed his hand away and tried to go for the door once more.

He had me against the bed, my face planted in the soft cushion of his pillow, his sweet scent making my body do all sorts of things.

I heard the ripping of clothing, and then I was on my back, me hands bound on either side of the bed while he worked on my feet.

"HEY!" I yelled and tried to kick him in the face.

I felt so weak, so weak from the shudders that kept racking my body, and the familiar ache down south.

Then he was straddling my waist, before I could yell at him some more he was kissing me.

His tongue diving in and out of my mouth, while his hands cupped my breasts, pushing up my shirt and un-hooking the back then throwing it in some part of the room.

When Sesshomaru finally broke the kiss I was all but pudding in his hands.

He un-buttoned my shirt slowly, kissing my body as he went along, growling and groaning all the while.

Sucking and kissing the valley between my breasts, my diaphragm my tummy, then belly button, last he pushed the shirt open and took in my body.

I watched him, noting the slight wince before he traced the faded scar where the doctors had to open my stomach to get Irina out. She was too big to squeeze out unfortunately.

He bent foreword, keeping his gaze steady with mine, and licked my nipple.

I hissed and arched y back, wanting to grab him, but the binds prevented me from doing so.

He growled then, his body convulsing as the pushed off my pants and panties, then pulling down his own and with one quick thrust was deep, deep inside me.

I reveled in the realization that yes, he was bigger than he was last time.

"Ah, god Sesshomaru! AH!" I screamed as he thrust in and out, in and out, wanting to grab him, to do anything, to touch him.

He kept a steady pace, then begun to pick up speed gradually making me scream even more.

Several minutes passed, then finally I felt it that all inspiring heat rush up and out of me.

I screamed, he winced indicating how loud I was.

A few minutes later he too spilled his seed into me and dropped onto my chest.

His silken hair brushing me, making me want to brush it all over my body. I was hot again.

He apparently was too because he entered me once again and pumped until we were both wasted in the waves and passion of sex.

Hours later we lay, my hands sore from the binds. I lay underneath my own set of covers, turned from him contemplating how I could make my escape when he grabbed me in a steal embrace.

"We are getting married tomorrow, Rin." He told me then closed his eyes acting as if he didn't just shock the hell out of me.

**SUENA: Well sorry I took so long, I've been a little depressed latley haha I'm over myself now, I'm sorry for making you guys wait. It's here now and I really hope you enjoyed it. I dont own Inuyasha.**


	4. Dreams

_DREAMS_

_"Rin how could you let this happen? Didn't you at least THINK of what might happen!?" Mama stood in the doorway, her brown eyes filled with tears of anger._

_I lowered my gaze sniffling, "I'm so sorry! Mama I swear I...I didn't mean for this to happen..."_

_"You should've thought about it before hand! Who is the bastard anyway?!" Papa yelled his back to me._

_"It's..." Fear flooded my system as I pictured him, his brilliance making me wince in the pure agony that streaked across my chest and once again I broke down crying._

I stared at the wall of the small chappel, we were here in Rockwell county getting ready to be married by a 24 hour wedding chappel, 100 bucks standard, an extra 30 to have Elvis stand in the costumary photo.

He'd taken me from his house and driven straight through the night just to get here having me try to talk him out of it the whole way here before he stopped the car at a bridge back in Jacksonville and threaten to throw me over if I didn't shut the hell up. After that I could only think of what my life was to become.

We were walking down the aisle now, panic was setting in and I turned getting ready to run.

"Rin." Sesshomaru took hold of my hand in a death grip passing along an all too clear message, "_Do it and see if I dont come after you."_

Dazed I went through the proceedings nodding and mumbling through my vows until not five minutes later the "preacher" anounced that 'he may kiss the bride.'

Sesshomaru looked down at me before turning foreward again, "I'd rather not." and with that we were stuck together, our papers signed on the dotted line, the secretaries number scribbled at the bottom, 'for safe keeping'.

We went to a jewelry store in town, my heart still pounded hard in my chest as tears rolled down my cheeks, "I don't need a ring, Sesshomaru." I murmured wipping away the falling droplets and sniffled.

"Get out." was the only thing he said his words clipped.

I couldn't hold it back any longer the tears flowed, racking my body with the agony that tore at my heart for the man who could never want me.

I looked up watching through the streams of tears as Sesshomaru sat on the hood of the car and lit a ciggaret, I never knew he smoked. He looked back at me annoyance clear on his face.

I flipped him off and let out another sob.

I was still in love with him, he didn't love me. How could he, this angel stuck with one of the peasents of life when he should get a goddess.

My heart was breaking, I thought it was already broken, this just proved how stupid I was, I watched on as he looked over the marriage papers.

I thought back to Mama and Daddy, the joy they used to share, the kisses they gave to one another without even thinking about it. Id never have that, no I would have the aftermath of what they shared when daddy was caught with that woman. Id have simmering anger and pain.

"Sesshomaru..." I whispered wishing with all my heart that he would just love me, me the girl who sat in the front of class writting down as many notes as possible while her thoughts went wild with dreams of the elusive boy who stared ahead bored out of his mind.

The girl who never got what she wanted, the girl who had to settle for things. The woman who had to settle for being with the man she loved and not be able to touch.

The door swung open taking me with it, I fell at the feet of the man woman all over the world could fall for.

Sesshomaru glared at me and reached out grabbing the back of my shirt collar.

"Ugh!" I coughed as he pulled me up. "You ass hole that hurt you know!" I sniffled and wipped up the last of my tears.

Sesshomaru brought a tissue up to my nose. "Blow." He instructed.

I tried to pull away, "I can do it thank you." I made a grab for the tissue only to have my hands slapped away like a childs.

"Just blow."

I sighed, took a deep breath and blew.

As we entered the shop I let my eyes roam over the beautiful treasures.

24 karate promise rings, 40 karate wedding bands. Necklaces that sparkled from one end to the other, earings with charms from baby bears to racing stars. '_i can't do this.'_ I thought and turned away.

"Sesshomaru, I don't want a ring." I told him making my way out of the store.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me foreward to the display case, "It's either a ring or a honeymoon, whitch do you prefer?" He growled.

"Look you arogant asshole, you forced me to marry, threatening to take me to court for custody of Irina! If i don't want a fucking ring or a damned honeymoon I won't have them!" I flounced out of the store angery once again that I let him get to me.

I was simmering by the car door when Sesshomaru came out talking on his cell.

"Yes, two plane tickets to Vince, Isreal. As soon as possible." He requested, unlocking the doors.

"You are such a hard ass!" I yelled kicking in the shiny door of his eclipse, giving it a nice sized dent.

In moments I was pressed against the car, a royally pissed Sesshomaru holding me in place.

"Rin, your a married woman now, I don't know what your persona of that type of woman is but for me it is a respectable refined and docile human. Unless you want to be in the middle of a very ugly and costly custody hearing I propose that you start acting this way." His eyes were a light shade of pink the pupil golden, the iris beggining to dilate.

"Rin..." He warned as I cupped his face in my hands my mind hypnotized by his beauty and leaned foreward pulling him to me. He allowed me to press my lips against his forehead, to run them over his eye lids and nose. It was personal in too many ways, my mind revolted against my actions screaming of the pain it would cause me to know how it felt while my heart reveled in it.

I kissed the tip of his nose and smiled pleasure pooling in my chest chasing away the pain, but it was squashed the moment I looked into his eyes, no longer tinted pink, they where half lidded and seemingly peaceful.

He was probably laughing at me, my hopeless love for him.

I pulled away and pushed him back heading for the Jewelry Shop once more. Making a circle around the beautiful masterpeaces I shook my head, what would a plain jane like me do with a diamond like them?

I walked to the small display that held proud little emeralds with baby leaves embroided in the plain golden rings. $200. Okay maybe not that one.

Looking over a little silver ring sat in a small corner of the case, the light above it dim in need of a new bulb. It was beautiful. I smiled to the approaching woman and pointed to the ring.

"Are you sure you want that one Ma'am? Have you seen our other displays Im sure youd find one of better suiting than this." She took my elbow and begun to lead me to the case I had just come from.

I pulled away and shook my head. "No thank you I've already seen those, and I'm sure in my choice."

She looked uncertain before nodding and taking the ring to the cash register.

Sesshomaru came up from behind me, his eyes questioning before turning to the register where the cashier blushed and smiled at him.

"Um your total is $98.70, would you like anything else sir?" She asked.

Jealousy flowed through my veigns, but i had no right to be, sure I was married to this man but I had no claim on his heart, this pretty woman in front of us could be his soul mate for all I knew, so I could only push myself in front of Sesshomaru and shake my head.

"No he wouldn't." I answered reaching for my wallet and trying to pay.

"Rin, move." pulling my arm, Sesshomaru placed me in front of an earing display.

"I have to pay." I handed the woman my credit card and was begining to punch in my code when Sesshomaru hit cancel and swipped his, then continued to pay.

The woman smiled again at Sesshomaru, "Thank you come again sir, and Ma'am."

I ground my teeth together and let him lead me out of the shop before shrugging off his arm.

"I was gonna pay you know, I'll pay you back as soon as I go to the bank." I tell him getting into the pretty little car.

"No your not, seat belt." And with that we were on our way back to Risenbul.

I was asleep the moment we hit the open road, my dreams filled with the white haired man beside me, his eyes filled with love instead of anger or boredom.

Of me being strong enough to offer my heart, my love.

I woke as we were going over the bridge Sesshomaru threatened to throw me over.

I stroked my hair and stretched looking at the dashboard. "Jeeze it's already nine?" I looked over and blushed finding Sesshomaru staring at me.

"W-what?" I asked feeling my face trying to figure out why he was starring, "Do I have something on my face?"

He shook his head and pulled over to the side of the road.

"What are you doing? What's wrong?" I looked around then turned back to Sesshomaru only to bump into his head. "Sesshomaru? What are you do-" he cut me off with a silent kiss. His lips traveled from my mouth to my cheekbones over my jaw line. I felt such a powerfully sweet longing to just hold him in my arms then, to hold him tight as if it where the right thing to do.

Instead I took in a shuddering breath and pushed him away. "Please stop." I whispered before he kissed me again. With each beat of my heart the pain grew stronger.

Sesshomaru froze and sat back his eyes telling me something that I couldn't figure out before he turned back on the road.

Within an hour we were pulling up in front of daddies house and Irina was running out, Mama behind her.

"Mama!" Irina called as I got out her big gold eyes shinning with happiness.

"You had no right to just take her like that young man! I should have called the police its a crime to take people against their will!" Mama screamed going at Sesshomaru.

"Mom, please stop." I asked starting for the house, Irina in my arms. She peered over my shoulder studying Sesshomaru and gasping.

"Mama he has the same eyes as me! And hair too!" She exclaimed squirming out of my hold. "Who is he?" She asked hesitant to approach him.

Time stood still as we all held a collective breath. "Irina, that's your father."

**-to be cont.**

**SUENA: i DONT OWN INUYASHA (or any characters) **


	5. Secrets

_The baby lay bundled up in her crib ,her soft white hair framing her tear stained face, while she wailed for her supper._

"_Rin, hurry up she's turning red! Get up!" Mama yelled tired and angry.._

"_I'm going, I'm going! Hold on!" Looking at the clock, I groaned, 3:09 AM. She was waking up earlier and earlier it seemed! _

_Picking her up, I gently bounced her on my shoulder but to no avail, she screamed and squirmed. I pleaded with the water to boil the bottle clean cursing myself for forgetting to wash them when Mama had told me to._

_I was exhausted, Irina had already woken me up twice, leaving me with a little over two hours of sleep. Abdomen still soar, stitches still in place from having the C-section .My back bruised from where they had stuck the needle in on my spine. Arms sore from the IV's, eyes stinging, ears ringing, I crumpled to the floor, holding the baby to my chest, her head tucked under my chin as she yelled her displeasure, and cried along with her._

_I cried out of frustration, out of pain and ache. I out of a broken heart for the man who helped create her. _

_That's how Mama found us, she took Irina from my arms made me get up and wash the bottles, get Irina her milk and sent me back to sleep._

"Mama! Daddy's taking me to the store today! He said I can get new toys! Are you going to come this time? Please come!" She buried her face in my waist and wrapped her arms around my hips.

"No I'm going to see Grandma today and help her pack up some of Grandpa's things okay? But you have fun, and make sure you wear a coat, it's getting a little chilly! Take an umbrella just in case it might rain!" Brushing a few bangs out of her eyes I placed a kiss over her forehead.

"Alright I will and Ma-"

A short woman with long black hair came in and smiled to Irina, "Irina, your daddy says it's time to go! Come along!" She stood and nodded to me, "Hello Mrs. Taisho would you like me to get you anything?" She asked.

"No thank you Yuri, I'm good. Oh and I'll be leaving for the day as well so as soon as you finish cleaning up you can go ahead and leave thank you very much." I said smiling to the aging maid.

"Yes Mrs. –Oh I mean, Rin." Yuri bowed, took Irina's hand in her own and left.

"By Mommy! I love you!" Irina waved back her silver curls bouncing in the morning light.

Sighing, I leaned back in the bed, letting my hair pool onto my pillow.

It's been two months that I've been living here with Sesshomaru, and he's only said two things to me besides explaining the household staff and gardener.

I closed my eyes and rolled over. Holding out my hand, I smiled when an all to familiar cold nose rubbed against it.

A small white Akita looked up at me when I peeked over the edge. All fluff but no bite, he growled and bowed wagging his furry tail and pouncing at my out reached hand. "Jasper? Come on boy! Come on!" I patted the bed beside me and laughed when the pup only cried out in frustration. I scooped him up and laid him beside me.

Sesshomaru's first gift to Irina, a puppy.

She'd been overjoyed with him but had quickly forgotten when the wave of presents he'd bestowed upon her came rushing in. He was trying to make up for lost time, I know but really? A puppy?

He didn't even like the little fuzz ball, every time he took a crap on the lawn he all but glared the poor guy into oblivion.

I smiled and nuzzled him when he curled up underneath my chin and sighed in contentment, his stomach hard and tight with only the best of dog chow that could be bought.

The pup stiffened for a moment then looked up and gave a valiant effort to bark. I peeked over my shoulder and mentally groaned, "Good boy," I whispered and sat up.

Sesshomaru stood in the doorway his white hair flowing in the high pony tail, bangs framing chiseled cheek bones.

"What?" I snapped, glaring at him.

"Irina needs her coat." He stated and giving me a cool hard stare.

Jasper hid behind me pushing his small body against my back. I took pity and put him on the floor letting him run under the bed.

Throwing the blankets off, I stood and went over to the closet. One half was Irina's and one half was mine, the closet itself was probably as big as my old room back in Verellia. Her half of the closet was filled with new clothes, tags still on them, shiny black dress up shoes and tennis shoes. Walking shoes, casual shoes and just shoes for the hell of it. Stockings aplenty, hair ties, bows, hair brushes and curlers, a big mirror and dresses, dresses and more dresses! Shirts, pants shorts, overalls and of course skirts. It was almost already filled!

I smiled and looked at my side, a few ragged old T's, some nice dress up shirts and a few skirts and dresses. Two old sneakers still in good condition, a pair of boots and one pair of house shoes. I felt a little twinge of envy but it quickly skirted away. Irina's excitement for a daddy overrode all of the new presents Sesshomaru bought for her. In her heart he was all she needed, and her contentment was all I needed.

I spotted a coat that would match her outfit and took it off the hanger when I felt his presence.

Not stifling yet still there behind me, blocking me in.

His breath brushed across my neck before his tongue slipped along the surface, making me catch my breath. "All you have to do is be with me, Rin." He circled his hands around my wrist and turned me around. "And you can have everything you want, as well." He placed my hand on his neck and let out a low growl.

"Touch me." He murmured.

I felt a jolt of electricity go through me, my knees gave out and he scooped me up before I hit the ground, taking me to the bed covering my body with his.

He worried my neck, his hands pulling down my pajama bottoms and panties.

It had been weeks since he had spoken to me, let alone touched me. My senses where overwhelmed and I racked my mind, trying to find some reason to push him off.

Sesshomaru had insulted when I had tried to pay him back for the ring. He had been angrier than I had ever seen and all but throttled me. Thank god Irina had been there because I think he really would have killed me.

But by the way he was acting you would think we weren't fighting.

He slipped lower placing a kiss against my belly button before spreading my legs and burying his face between them.

Shamelessly I rubbed myself against his lips. My hips bucking up to meet his tongues thrust. His eyes where on mine, and I was sure he saw every single emotion going through my body.

Placing butterfly kisses on my inner thighs he pushed himself up, and as if testing me, placed a quick chaste kiss on my lips.

Cupping my face, Sesshomaru gently strokes my cheek with his thumb and leans in close.

'He's going to kiss me.' I think to myself. 'He's going to kiss me and not feel a single fraction of what I feel for him…' That thought alone is enough to make me turn away. "No." I whisper furiously.

His grip tightens and he turns me back to him, his lips brush over mine his tongue slipping into my mouth.

Trembling now tears slip out, "Please stop. Sesshomaru!" I cry.

He stills and pulls away. Amber eyes look down at me, and before I can register it, he's slipped himself inside of me.

"Do you wish for me to stop this, Rin?" He asked cruelly beating into me, the pain blending into the pleasure.

Taking hold of his shoulders I placed a tender kiss on the crook of his neck. "Sesshomaru." I whispered, my voice trembling with pain and passion, and brush my lips over his neck, across his jaw and very gently, press my mouth against his.

He stills for a moment, questioning my actions through his eyes and slowly his painful love is replaced with slow steady strokes. I moan and accept him while he rides us out into oblivion.

Arching my body into his, I sink my teeth into his shoulder to keep from crying out when as my body reaches it's destination.

We lay there afterward, his head resting against my bosom, every now and then taking my nipple into his mouth. Contemplating our relationship I mentally groan and pull away from him.

Pulling my shirt and bottoms back on I turn and look at him.

Amazed at how fast he had been able to rip my clothes off when I hadn't even managed to unzip his pants. That he had done himself.

"You left Irina in the car." Gathering my panties and bra from where they where strewn across the room, I deposit them into the laundry shoot and pull out clean clothes.

When I emerge from the shower he's gone, the bed is fixed, and the rest of the house is once again in order as well.

Yuri is long gone and my only companion left is Jasper.

"Well, we can't have this can we, Jasper?" I say patting his head and pulling the phone off the receiver. "Hello? Is Kagome Higur- I mean Taisho in right now? May I please speak to her?" I ask.

"Hello?" Kagome asks curiously.

"Hey it's me, Rin." I assure her. Sitting down at the table and looking out into the garden.

"Oh Hey what's up, _Mrs. Taisho_?" She says teasingly.

"That's not funny. Anyway, what are your plans for today?" Jasper begins to whine, pawing at the back door.

"Mm Nothing really why?"

Standing I go to open the door. "I was wondering if you and Sango would like to come over."

"Yeah, I'll be over around eleven, is that okay?" She asked, I could hear Inuyasha yelling in the background.

"That's great, I'll see you in a few." I say and hang up.

After calling Sango and giving her an invitation I walk into the living room and sit down.

My mind racing, I try to block out all thoughts of Sesshomaru but fail. Flipping through the channels on T.V all I can truly see is amber eyes staring down hard at me.

My gut twists, while my heart beat increases. 'why had he wanted to kiss me? To prove he could still have me? To satisfy some need? Or…or because maybe somewhere deep inside he-'

_RIIIIIIIIIIIING_

Startled I jump at the sound. "Hold on I'm coming." I call.

Kagome and Sango step into the large manor their eyes wandering around the house.

"So this is where he lives, wow. I expected it to be…I don't know. Different." Kagome says her eyes touching ever nook and cranny.

"Yeah same here." Picking up a small dog figurine Sango looks up at me and smiles.

I laughed and took each of their arms in mine, "Come on, you guys, we can see the rest of the house."

They gawked and flinched, waiting for some form of torture chamber to pop out of nowhere as we explored the rest of the Manor.

When we were done we sat around the dark wood table.

Kagome sipped her tea and shook her head, contradicting what Sango had just said.

"So Rin, where's Irina?" Sango asked checking a message she just received on her phone.

"Oh she went with Sesshomaru to go buy some new things." Flipping through the phone book I smiled and gave Kagome the number to Pizza Hut.

"He's really trying to make things right with her, huh?" Sango asks.

"Yeah, but I don't know. Irina is just happy to have him with her." I look up and gasp. "Look, hey you guys look! It's Kagura." I say pointing to the T.V. Her hair is longer, but her form is still trim. Her eyes flick to the camera and I catch my breath, as always she is breathtaking, "Turn it up."

Sango and Kagome exchange a look, I feel as if something bad is going to happen. "What?"

Kagome reaches out and takes hold of my hand while Sango turns up the T.V.

A blonde woman sits across from Kagura, her hair neatly curled, and her eyes full of concern. "It says in your book that as soon as you lost your child you went through two years of depression, can you tell us how you overcame that in your own words?"

Kagura shifts in her seat and looks out into the audience, "It was terrifying. Imagine waking every morning and wondering, 'Is this going to be the day? The day I take me life?' You have to live in fear of yourself. You wonder all sorts of ways to kill yourself because I was so distraught after losing my child, guilty and feeling useless. Woman are made to carry children, but what happens when you find that you cannot? I felt like a failure in life, and wanted nothing other than to be set free from this pain."

The woman nodded in understanding and scooted closer to Kagura taking her hand. "Now what of the father? Did he know the pain you where going through?"

Kagura looked up and nodded unable to speak. Tears falling from her eyes.

"And in your book it says that this Se-" Kagome stood and turned off the television set.

"Hey! I was watching that! Kagome!" I stood to turn it back on when Sango took my arm.

"Rin, we don't want you to find out this way." Her brown eyes looked into mine, and what I saw in them confirmed my earlier suspicions.

"What is it?"

"It happened so long ago Rin. Sesshomaru didn't know…and Kagura said she didn't love him." Kagome whispered.

My blood froze. My mind raced, and my heart stood still.

"And when she finally told him, it was too late." Sango finished.

I pulled away from them and starred, my mind telling me what I didn't want to hear. "What are you saying?"

Sango looks up at me, her face pained. "Rin, Sesshomaru was the father of Kagura's baby."

**SUENA: I OWN DO NOT OWN INUYASHA.**


	6. Friends

**Friends**

I cradled Irina in my arms gazing out into the open windows. The last of daddy's things had been packed away, and mama was now staying at the house, she'd packed all her things at the old apartment she stayed in. Tomorrow we were going to go and get them and help her move into daddy's house.

Irina murmured something and rubbed her face against my shoulder. Gently, I laid her down on our bed and covered her with the blankets.

The sound of nails clicking on the hardwood came through the door before Jasper jumped on the bed and lay at Irina's feet. I clucked my tongue and rubbed his head.

Letting out a deep sigh I stepped out onto the balcony and surveyed the land. A fountain sprinkled water, roses embellished the sides of the house, and assorted flowers littered the lawn while climbing morning glories made their way up to the windows.

This house truly was a masterpiece and I couldn't help but feel out of place. I heard the maids when they whispered as I passed, I knew the gardener thought I was too plain, and I hated it when the cook gave me pitying looks. They all thought I wasn't good enough, that I begged Sesshomaru to take me back using Irina as bait.

Tears pooled my eyes as I thought back to this morning, Kagura. I can't help but wonder if it is Kagura who is supposed to be here in my place. The girl whom Sesshomaru had once loved.

They would make more sense than us, wouldn't they? I kept asking myself.

She had a miscarriage, how tragic, and Sesshomaru had not known until it was too late. Maybe that's why he's trying so hard with Irina. Maybe he thinks I'll just up and leave with Irina, never to be seen again. Maybe that's why he married me.

Sesshomaru had come home only to briefly drop off Irina and her new things before rushing off, talking at a hundred miles an hour on his cell phone. He had nodded at me before closing the door behind him and peeling out down the driveway.

I wonder who he'd been talking to, was it Kagura? I didn't know if they were still in touch.

A black Lotus pulled out beside the fence, pausing for a moment, letting the gates open before going around back to the garage. Sesshomaru had finally come home.

I glanced at the clock behind me, it was almost 3 am. I laid out beside Irina and finally closed my eyes drifting off into a fitful sleep.

In the morning I woke with tears in my eyes, quickly I whipped them away and rolled over to wake Irina only to find wide golden eyes staring up at me.

"I woke up before you!" She whispered happily.

"Did you brush your teeth and wash your face?" I asked stroking her hair.

She smiled and shook her head.

"Well go do it!" I whispered and kissed her forehead.

She bounced off the bed and scrambled into the restroom shutting the door with a sound click.

I got up picked out my wardrobe for the day and begun to brush my hair.

After I had gotten Irina dressed, taken Jasper out to do his business and ate breakfast I piled everyone into my car I drove to my mother's house and honked.

She came out with a towel in her hands and smiled, "Come inside, Irina!" She called her smile turning into a frown when Jasper ran inside the house along with Irina. "Wait! Don't let him on the couch! Irina take the dog outside!" She yelled.

I laughed and honked before backing out and heading over to the old apartment. The manager graciously gave me the keys and left me to my own devises.

I was half-way through packing and making my way down the stairs to my car when a truck passed by. It came to an abrupt stop and the driver honked before rolling the window down.

"RIN! Rin is that you!" A man called out.

I loaded the box in the trunk and turned to look, he had beautiful hair pulled into a high pony tail that stopped before reaching his shoulders, his eyes where a light shade of amber with flecks of green.

"Kohaku! Is that you!" I asked laughing when he parked and jumped out.

"Yeah! Rin, it's been a long time!" He said laughing before taking her into a tight hug. "How long has it been since Sango introduced us?" He asked letting go.

"I'd say about six years now!" I answered, "Where you headed?"

"Ah, just heading back home, I barely got out of work." Kohaku said stretching.

"Wow, where do you work?"

He smiled reaching into his pocket, "I'm a Sheriff now." He smiled and showed me a shinning badge. "So what are you up to?"

"Oh not much, just helping my mom move some stuff, nothing big, but you better go home and get some sleep, I'll talk to you later, Kohaku. It was really good seeing you again."

"Now wait, I can't just leave you here to finish up alone! Come on show me which room it is and I'll help." He offered.

I wanted to say no but at the same time I knew it would be hell getting the T.V out and down the stairs so I nodded and we continued to talk as we finished up cleaning out the apartment.

I learned that he finished high school and college, he had left town for about a year and worked for a rancher before moving into the mountains for a bit of peace. He had gone into the police force two years earlier and had steadily worked his way up.

When we finished packing and unloaded at Moms' house, Kohaku met Irina who took to him right away smiling and flirting shamelessly with him.

It was mid-afternoon when Kohaku let out a large yawn and ran his hands through his hair. "Well I better get going." He said picking Irina up off his chest where she had fallen asleep and laying her down on the couch. He smiled at me from across the room and nodded, "It was real good seeing you again, Rin. It's too bad about that husband though."

I felt my cheeks flush, "Yeah right. Get out of here Kohaku, you need your rest." I said.

He smiled and called to my mother, "Thank you for letting me stay for awhile Ms. Koyamada!"

After he left I stayed around until night had fallen dread rolled around in my stomach as I pulled into Sesshomaru's house. Kagura's face filled my mind and Sesshomaru's coldness made me want to make a U-turn and head to my mothers' home.

Sesshomaru was sitting in the kitchen when I returned he took Irina into his arms and took her with him into his study.

I sighed and walked to the room Jasper right on my heel. Groaning, I picked him up and sat him on the bed with me. I turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels my mind running over what Kagura had said.

I wanted to confront Sesshomaru but at the same time I feared what he may say.

Kicking off my shoes I curled up and pulled Jasper close to my chest falling into a fitful sleep.

Tomorrow, I promised myself, I was going to ask him about it.

**SUENA: I DON'T OWN INUYASHA. R&R**


	7. Introductions

Something wet and warm was on my cheek, it was slimy and dripping down to my neck. I opened my eyes and reached up afraid to see what the substance was. With Jasper jumping around on the bed begging to be let down I could have made a pretty good guess.

"Jasper!" I scolded bolting off the bed and into the bathroom, his punishment was to be stuck on the bed while I washed my face.

I heard her foot steps before she burst through the door, "Morning!" Irina squealed then turned to the whimpering puppy, "Jasper! Come here boy! Come here boy!"

I pulled my T-shirt over my head and begun to get dressed, "Irina, wash your face and hands, hurry so you can help me make breakfast." I told her as I rummaged around for a shirt to wear.

Irina put Jasper down on the floor and let him scamper off, "What's that thing you wear on your chest called again?" She asked brushing her hair out of her face.

I smiled and had to hold back a laugh, "It's a bra. Go get Jasper before he pees in the house and take him outside!"

She tilted her head to the side, "When can I have one?"

This time I did laugh, "In a few years now go get Jasper and hurry or else I'll make you clean up his mess!" I threatened.

"Eww!" Irina wailed scrunching up her nose and running after the pup slamming the door shut behind her.

I was fixing my hair when the door opened again, Sesshomaru stood for a few minutes watching me, I couldn't help but feel a bit out of sorts when Kagura jumped to mind only to be swept away when he begun to talk, "We are going to meet and have dinner with my father and his wife at five, be ready and dress accordingly." He said.

"I know how to dress, Sesshomaru, I am not a child." I snapped.

He just starred at me for a bit before quietly walking out.

I needed to ask him about her, I had to or else it would continue to haunt me. I couldn't put it off.

I finished my hair and walked into the kitchen, Irina was there talking with one of the cooks.

"Good morning." I greeted with a small wave.

"Morning Ma'am what can I make for you?" She asked.

"Actually I thought I'd cook for myself today if it isn't too much trouble." I said pulling out a box of pancake mix.

"Oh are you sure, Ma'am?" The woman asked,

"Yes, we'll be fine. Did you wash your hands Irina?" I pulled on an apron and begun to get out the ingredients and pans we would need.

We made a simple meal between the two of us and sent a plate up to Sesshomaru only to have him send it back half uneaten. I threw it away before Irina could see it.

As noon approached we cleaned up and headed out for a walk to a nearby park up the street from the house.

Irina played a multitude of games with Jasper who happily went along with each one. I sat back and watched them thinking to myself about Kagura and Sesshomaru.

I was so intent with my thoughts that I hadn't realized the hour until I heard a shrill honk.

Sesshomaru stepped out of his car giving me the dirtiest look alive.

"Rin, it is already three thirty you should have been home hours ago." He said.

I felt like a child being reprimanded for some mischievous deed.

"Irina." He called.

She turned to him, "Daddy!" She squealed running into his arms.

"We're leaving now." He told her as he picked her up.

"What about Mama?" She asked looking back at me.

"She'll be fine." He assured her before setting her in the car with him and driving off, leaving Jasper and I to make the short trek back home.

Jasper ran back to me his tail twitching, I looked down at the small white puppy and smiled, "I think we have just been ditched." I looked back to the road but the black car was already out of sight. "Come here boy!" I ordered Jasper who came bounding into my arms and slipped his leash on.

When we got to the house the staff was already gone for the day making it seem all very lonely, Sesshomaru came out of his study and paused to look me over, the corner of his mouth turned down before he walked off.

I let out a sigh and walked up to my room, Irina sat wrapped in a towel on the bed, her hair damp and flopped over her face.

"Mama daddy told me to take a bath and wait for you to pick out my clothes when you get here." She said falling back on the bed.

"Did he?" I asked going into the closet.

I sorted through her things and finally decided on a blue and white dress. "Here, put this on and then put on panty hose and these shoes," I said pulling out her newest pair. "I'm going to go take a shower, I want you to be waiting right here for me to do your hair, okay?"

Irina nodded as she pulled on the dress.

We spent most of the afternoon getting ready to meet Sesshomaru's parents, I was nervous but felt somewhat calm. Irina on the other hand had no idea what was going on, just that there was going to be something special that evening.

When we were all done Irina was as beautiful as I had ever seen, her hair was curled and pined back, her bangs feathered out around her face and her eyes seemed to be as bright as ever. I chose a plain white button up and paired with my nicest jeans and boots it looked good, not great but good. Sesshomaru on the other hand thought different, he took one look at me and stalked away taking Irina with him and putting her into the car.

As we drove up to his parents house I felt a small tug at my heart, it was the same as it had been the first night I had been with Sesshomaru, a few changes were noticeable here and there but it was still the same, the moment was gone though as a woman with long black hair stepped out to greet us, "Sesshomaru, how have you been?" She asked her voice deep and melodious.

"Izayoi." He said walking past her.

"Please forgive him." I said helping Irina up the stair case that led to the great house. When we finally got to the woman I felt a bit of a shock hit me.

She was beautiful, her skin was flawless and held a pale porcelain complexion. She barely had any make up on but that little bit that she did enhanced every bit of her.

I had forgotten about Irina momentarily until she reached out and grabbed the woman's hand.

"Hello, I'm Irina!" She chirped.

"Hello, little one, my name is Izayoi and would you happen to be Sesshomaru's child?" Izayoi asked shaking Irina's hand.

"Yep my daddy says this is your house and that I can't put my feet on the couch." Irina answered.

Izayoi laughed, "Is that right?" She asked before turning to me, "Now is Sesshomaru's wife going to join us soon, my husband has been looking forward to meeting this woman."

I blushed and turned away before I could say anything further Sesshomaru came out side with us casting a glare at Izayoi, "This _is_ my wife." He growled.

Izayoi gasped and reached out, taking my hand in hers, "I am so sorry, I thought you were-, ah well never mind, welcome to our home, your name must be Rin!" She said bowing.

"Oh no ma'am it's okay, yes my name is Rin, this is my daughter." I murmured still not able to meet her eye.

Sesshomaru took hold of my arm and pulled me into the large house. I was swept passed a large hall through a sitting room and finally inside a dinning room where Inu Taisho sat at the head of the table.

"You must be Rin." He said his voice deep as he took me in.

"Yes." I answered holding my head high, Irina peeped around my hip, I pulled her out from behind me, "And this is Irina, my daughter."

"Our daughter." Sesshomaru interjected.

Inu Taisho raised his eyebrows. "Really? I have a grand daughter? How long were you planning to keep this bit of information from me son?" He asked casting a glance at Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru in turned looked toward me, "I just learned of her existence as well, father." He answered then gave a pointed look towards me.

I stood proud and rested my hand on Irina's shoulder. "We all are forced to make difficult decisions in life, and I for one am not sorry for mine." I said.

A second passed before Inu Taisho nodded and we all sat down.

Through dinner Izayoi and I carried on a few conversations, Inu Taisho and Sesshomaru sat in silence though while Irina added in a bit of information here and there.

I learned that they were both still holding up in the medical field although Izayoi was considering retirement and also learned a bit about the Taisho's family history. They were very proud of their heritage as it turned out and felt strongly in their political views.

I was a bit surprised to learn that Izayoi was Inu Taisho's second wife but quickly got over that. The night had come and gone and as Irina and Sesshomaru filed out of the house Inu Taisho stepped in front of the thresh hold blocking my exit.

"Rin, there are some things I would like to speak to you about in private." He said.

I was a bit mesmerized by him, although the man was old enough to be my father there was no mistaking his beauty. It was like looking at an older more refined Sesshomaru.

"Not at all." I said following him into his study, I stole one glance over my shoulder to find Sesshomaru looking after us and if I'm not mistaken there was a bit of worry in his eyes but I quickly dashed the thought away when he turned and sharply exited through the front door.

Inu Taisho led us into a large room filled with bookcases, each one stocked with books on what seemed like every genre to be had. He strolled over to the seat behind the lone desk located in the middle of the room and motioned for me to take one of the two seats positioned in front of it.

As I sat he remained standing beside the chair, I heard the doors we had just come from open and close quietly.

Izayoi walked in and took the seat Inu Taisho had been holding for her before looking up at me.

"It is clear to me that you and Sesshomaru do not love each other and that there is something you two are keeping from us." Izayoi said taking a deep breath.

I flinched at her words but nevertheless nodded, "Yes, what you say is true."

Izayoi nodded, "And are you willing to fill us in on what we seem to be missing?"

I thought for a moment, was my marriage any concern of theirs, although they were now officially my in laws? Why had Sesshomaru not told them about us? I opened my mouth prepared to speak when the doors opened once more.

Sesshomaru waltzed into the room, "You speak as if you have the right to question my life, Izayoi," He said coldly casting her a belittling glance and then turning to his father, "What ever it is that you need to speak with Rin about can be discussed with me as well."

A shocked silence fell over the room.

Was it my imagination or was he coming to my aid, I wondered while I watched Sesshomaru as he came to stand beside me.

It was Inu Taisho who broke the quiet. "Very well, have a seat then, my son." He offered.

"I will stand." Sesshomaru retorted.

Izayoi sighed and looked at the two of us, "What are the circumstances of your marriage?"

"That does not concern you." Sesshomaru answered.

"Sesshomaru..." Inu Taisho warned.

"We seem to be getting no where, if you do not have a valid question then Rin and I will be on our way." Sesshomaru said grabbing my arm and helping me out of the chair although I neither asked nor wanted it.

I quickly snatched my arm back and stood on my own, Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed as he gave me a hard glare, I in turn raised my eye brows and continued on my way to the door until a burst of laughter halted me.

Izayoi giggled as a deep blush spread across her cheeks, Inu Taisho looked down at his wife a bemused smile on his face.

"I'm sorry...It's just that...how on _earth_ did the two of you _ever_ wind up together?" She managed to say between bouts of laughter.

Inu Taisho chuckled and took her hand in his, "Izayoi this is the most inappropriate time to laugh." but even as he spoke, Inu Taisho raised his wife's' hand to his lips and pressed a light kiss onto it.

"Yes but dear lord, look at them!" She said smiling at us, "Oh Rin, forgive me for my earlier rudeness, it's just that Sesshomaru means so much to us and his happiness is really all we're looking out for." She explained.

My throat had constricted with tears then, I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I gazed at Izayoi and Inu Taisho, their hands linked looking so enamored with each other that it physically hurt me to see them.

It was the two of them against the world it seemed, their love was destined to last, and mine was already failing.

"Thank you for your hospitality and time but I have to go now." I said turning and walking out of the study, I heard Sesshomaru saying something to his father before the doors of the room closed behind me but didn't quite catch it.

Irina was waiting in the front room flipping through channels on the TV when I found her.

She looked up from the set as soon as I walked in and her small face contorted into pain when she saw the tears slipping down my cheeks.

"Mama, what's wrong?" She asked jumping off the couch and hurling herself into me.

"Nothing, come on, we're going home, turn off the TV put on your shoes and let's go." I told her.

She did as she was told and came running after me. I held the door to the car open for her, "Put on your seat belt." I instructed before shutting the door and slipping in the passenger seat.

"Mama, what's wrong?" She asked again her own eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"Nothing, Irina, everything's fine."

"But then why are you crying, huh?" She pressed.

"Because I'm dumb, look here comes your daddy, you don't' want him to see you crying do you?" I asked looking back at her and wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

She shook her head, "No."

"Okay then." I said and turned back ahead.

Sesshomaru opened his door and seated himself in the car without a word. He turned the ignition and backed out of the drive way.

The drive home was very quiet, even Irina seemed to sense that something wasn't quite right because she too kept to the silence.

After we got home Irina and I stayed outside for the rest of the day walking around the garden and feeding the large Koi fish in the oval pond before the night chill fell.

The sun had already set when we finally did go back inside. I laid down with Irina and watched TV with her until she fell into a deep sleep, Jasper nestled up next to her, I slowly extracted myself from the bed and creeped out of the room.

My night pants swept the wooden floor where I walked but other than that I made no noise while I made my way to Sesshomaru's room.

It was on the other side of the house, the door was slightly ajar so that when I knocked it fell completely open revealing Sesshomaru as he sat on his bed looking over a few papers, his hair had been let loos from it's earlier pony tail and his spectacles sat perched on the very tip of his nose but other than that he had not changed from his earlier attire.

His room was vastly different from mine and Irina's. While ours was made up of very soft beige's and baby blues with hints of gold his was made of dark blue, white and reds. His bed screamed masculinity with it's black silk sheets and pillows, ours was feminine with beige blankets littered with blue roses.

A nightstand and two other doors made up his room, I was guessing one was a bathroom the other his closet but my ventures were cut short when Sesshomaru looked up at me with a raised brow.

"What is it?" He asked pushing up his glasses.

My hands were shaking and a knot had formed deep in my guy but I had come here with a promise to myself and I wasn't going to leave until I had an answer.

"Sesshomaru..." I started as I walked over to his windows and pulled back the red drapes to look out into the back yard, the view was amazing, it not only showed the gardens below but over the tree tops that begun and the end of the yard to the mountains afar.

"Yes, Rin?" He asked in his monotone voice.

I let the curtains fall back into place and I turned to face him head on, "Tell me about Kagura."


	8. Confessions

_**Confessions**_

Sesshomaru froze for a moment, his hair fell over his shoulders now blocking my view of his face. Slowly he raised himself from his seat and removed his glasses. "What do you know?" He questioned me.

I thought for a moment, I only knew of the child but do I let_ him_ know that? "Just about the child." I said crossing my arms and leaning back against the wall.

"There is no child." Sesshomaru said turning back to his papers.

"But there was one, tell me about Kagura and you, Sesshomaru." I pressed on.

"Why should my past be of any concern to you." Was all he said.

"Sesshomaru just tell me what happened. Did you love her? Did she leave you? How did she lose the baby? Don't leave me in the dark Sesshomaru!" Desperate I pushed myself off the wall and begun to pace the room.

"It is the past." He answered as he scribbled out something written on the papers.

"Why can't you tell me?" I asked quietly sinking down onto his bed.

"You have no buisness knowing." Sesshomaru asnwered putting the papers down and reaching for a book on top of the desk.

"I am your wife! It _is_ my buisness, especially if my husband happends to be in love with another woman who carried his CHILD!" I yell standing up.

Sesshomaru put down the book and turned to face me. His eyes were tinted pink but his features otherwise were as serine as ever, standing he walked until we were toe-to-toe, "My wife, are you? My wife would be docile, quiet and knows her boundries. You are not a wife, to me you are an inconvineince."

He caught my hand just as it was about to make contact with his cheek angrily I spat in his face, "Fuck you!" I whispered snatching my hand back I stalked out of his room.

I headed into our room and quietly rummaged through our closet, pulling on my shirt and pants I grabbed my shoes and looked back at Irina and Jasper who still lay sleeping. Turning back I walked down the hall, Sesshomaru was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs his eyes were red now.

"Where are you going?" He growled.

I stopped for a moment looking at him, "Out."

"Rin!" He demanded taking a step towards me.

"Why should I? I'm not your wife you have no need to know!"

"RIN!" He growled reaching for me.

Slipping around him, I ran for my keys. Grabbing them I reach the door knob, looking back up at Sesshomaru I feel the tears slip down my cheek, "Watch Irina." I say before shutting the door behind me and running to my truck. I hear his loud roar before I could turn on the truck. I sat for a moment in the silent night thinking about him. I was crying before I knew it. How could he have said that to me? I wasn't his wife? Did I mean so little to him? Why didn't he want to tell me about Kagura? Why did I have to be so in love with him? Things would be so much simpler if I didn't love him!

Putting myself back together I wipe away the tears and start the truck, backing out I head into town.

Driving down the main street I look up at the neon signs advertising numerous bars until I find the one Daddy was so fond of, it's not lit up like all the rest, I park in the near empty lot and take out a twenty and my ID from my wallet before stashing it under my seat.

Walking into the small establishment I smile sadly as I look around, this had been my daddies favorite place to be, a small bar lines the front with two bartenders catering to the thirsty clients while a few tables line the sides of the room, in the middle is the dimly lit dance floor. White christmas lights let off a calm glow over the happy couples dancing below. Woman are being twirled about the room by their partners all laughing and enjoying themselves. I make my way over to an empty corner of the bar and order a long neck.

Sipping the cool beer I turn around and face the dance floor. I smile as I watch, I had been asked to dance only a few times when I had gone out before but never by any man good enough to take home. I watch as a familiar face breaks from the crowd, he's holding on to a beautiful young girl. She has long light blonde almost white hair with the lightest skin, her eyes are sparkling as she looks up at him with pure adoration. He smiles down at her and brushes back her hair from her face. They smile and wrap their arms around each other before making their way to the bar. He says something that makes her laugh before looking up his eyes falling on me.

Amber eyes assess me, long brown hair pulled back in a low pony tail flows behind him as he passes the fan situated on a nearby table. "Rin? Is that you girl?" He asks letting go of his beautiful partner and coming towards me.

I smile at him, "Hey Kohaku!" I greet as he pulls me into a tight hug. His arms wrap around my waist and for a moment I feel them tense, I only reach his shoulders so my cheek is pressed against his welcoming chest. I blush when I feel how toned his whole body is.

After a few moments he pulls away and looks down at me, "What are you doing here?" He asks taking the seat next to mine.

"Oh nothing much just came to have a few drinks before going home, you?" I ask looking pointedly at the woman standing next to him, "Hi, I'm Rin." Reaching out I offer my hand.

Taking it in her own the girl smiles, "I'm Kana, nice to meet you too." She says softly.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that! Rin, this is Kana Kimikaze, she's a friend of mine. Kana, this is Rin...uh..." He looked at me with a question in his eye.

"Taisho." I fill in quickly.

Surprised Kohaku nods, "Yeah Taisho...She's a real good friend of the family." He says.

We sat and talked for a few minutes before I got up and smiled at them, "Well I'll leave you two alone now, it was nice meeting you Kana and say hi to Sango for me, Kohaku, Okay?" I say hopping off the stool.

Kohaku quickly stood and followed me to the door before catching my hand in his, "Rin, I was about to take Kana home, Why don't you follow and me and you can do something after?" He asked.

Blushing I lower my eyes and look back over to the other woman as she sat at the bar by herself. "Kohaku, she's your date, you can't just leave her like that."

"Come on Rin, just for old times sake?" Kohaku smiles, his face lighting up. His skin was darker than Sesshomaru's and his eyes smiled down at me, emotion. I hadn't seen any emotion besides anger on Sesshomaru. I'm knocked out of my thoughts when I feel Kohaku squeez my hand for a moment, "Please?" He asks.

"Okay but just for a little bit, I left Irina at home with Sesshomaru." Grabbing my keys out of my purse I continue on my way and wait for Kohaku to come back out with Kana.

He helped her into his truck before getting in himself, he leaves the lot first and I follow behind. They come to a stop in front of a high end apartment complex where Kohaku gets out and walks her up two flights of stairs, they disolve into the night time shadows for a few minutes.

Turning up the radio I sing along to an old country song, 'Sesshomaru's probably changed the code to open the gates at home...' I think, 'Nah things like that are too petty for him, he's probably going to ignore me for the rest of my life.' I think. Kohaku comes out of the darkness then. He goes down the stairs and heads for my truck, for a moment it hits me how truly handsome he really is. I watch as he goes around my truck and knocks on the window.

Rolling it down I blush and push away my thoughts, "Yeah?"

"Just keep following me, okay? I know a great place a couple blocks away." He says smiling down at me catching my eye for a few seconds before nodding and hurying to his own truck.

I follow him as he drives past the nice surrounding houses until we reach the outskirts of town and go down a beaten path to the old lake.

We stop a by the dock and each get out, "I thought you said it was only a few blocks away!" I joke.

He smiles and nods, "Yeah it is! We passed a few blocks to get here! So how's Irina?"

"She's good, she's still getting hit with the occasional gift but everythings settled down, how's work going for you?" I ask playing with a blade of grass.

"It's kickin' my ass." He said laughing.

I shake my head and walk down to the river bank, looking out I smile at the beautful lake. The stars were mesmerizing, gazing up I smiled and turned to Kohaku, "So how did it go?" I ask sitting down.

He looked truly confused for a moment, "Oh you mean with Kana? She said she liked you."

"Good, I liked her too, you two look really good together." Looking up I take in a deep breath.

"We aren't together Rin, She's just an old friend. We bumped into each other yesterday at the T-Mart and wanted to catch up...She wants to go out next friday to some restraunt in town," He said sitting beside me.

"Oh that's nice, she's very beautiful you know." Dipping my fingers into the cold water I splash a little at his boots. "I think you should go out with her again."

He splashed back at me with more enthusiasm. Laughing I shook my head at him. Reaching down I cup a bit of water in my hands and throw it at him. Rolling over he evades the water and smiles sitting back up he stills for a bit and looks up at me.

"You're beautiful too, Rin." He murmured quietly taking my hand in his.

A red hot blush erupts across my cheeks. I sit still for a moment, only my Mother and Father had ever called me beautiful and Sesshomaru but he had been drunk, if anyone had ever complimented my looks they chose pretty or nice, but never beautiful.

"Kohaku..." I try to laugh it off but he looks in my eyes and holds me there, leaning in he pulls me closer.

I turn away before he can kiss me, "Ko-" Grabbing my chin with a gentle hand he pulls me back to him and kisses me tenderly.

My heart flutters a bit before I turn away. "Kohaku..." I stand and start walking back to my truck.

"Rin wait!" He calls coming after me. "Rin tell me you didn't want that just as badly as I did!" He yells after me.

Tears fall down my cheeks as I stop and look back at him.

"Tell me you didn't want to kiss me just once...just to know what it could have been like." He says softly coming to a stop in front of me.

"I have to get back to the house...Irina is..." I was rambling and I knew it but couldn't help it, my nerves were on edge and I wanted to just get out of there.

"She has nothing to do with this, with us, right now. Please Rin! Tell me you didn't know how crazy I was about you when we first met, hell how crazy I am about you now!" Kohaku said pulling me into an embrace.

"Kohaku..." I thought back over the years to when I first met him it had been just after I'd left Sesshomaru's house that night, I was going to meet with Sango and Kagome one last time, I was going to tell them goodbye when Sango smiled and flagged down a group of guys passing by and introduced one of them as her brother. He had smiled at me and talked but as a friend would. "I never..."

"Rin, I was so crazy about you, all I could do was think about you and when I saw you...you were as beautiful as you were back then." Grabbing my hand he pressed it to his heart, "Do you feel how fast my heart is beating right now?"

"K-Kohaku...I'm so sorry." I whispered pulling back my hand.

"Rin..." His face crumpled in despair as I pulled away from his embrace he reached out to me one more time.

"I'm in love with my husband, Kohaku..." Getting into my truck I look back up at Kohaku. His Amber eyes stayed on me, his chest rising and falling his hands deep in his pockets.

"I'm so sorry..." I whisper, hanging his head Kohaku turns away.

Driving back into town I begin to cry until that escalates into a sob until I have to pull over. I hit the steering wheel violently crying out. Why couldn't it have been Sesshomaru who felt that way about me? Why couldn't I love Kohaku instead? How was I to know how he felt, clenching my eyes shut an image of Kohaku holding Irina on his hip while entering a beautiful white house comes into view, an image of the way things could have been had I not been so blind.

Getting back on the road I drive home and enter a quiet house, taking in a shaky breath I check the time, 4:39 am. I go into the kitchen and turn on the light. Pouring myself a cup of coffee I think of Kohaku, my heart hammering in my chest I sit at the dining table for a moment when the I feel his presence.

Looking up I swipe at a stray tear, "What?"

Standing in the doorway Sesshomaru looks over at me. "Where did you go?" He asks taking the seat opposite of me.

Glaring at him I let a few seconds pass before retorting with a question of my own, "Are you still in love with Kagura?"

It goes quiet again except for my occasional sniffle.

"No." Sesshomaru says. Surprised I look up at him.

"What happened?" I finally ask.

Closing his eyes as if to recal Sesshomaru sits for a moment, "It was seven years after you left..."

**Suena: I don't own Inuyasha (Or any of the affiliated Characters.)**


	9. Gone

_**GONE**_

_She sat up against the headboard along her bed and stared into the mirror resting on the wall opposite of herself. Lifting her hand she gently placed it on her swollen womb feeling the child within give a mighty kick. _

_From below she could hear her mother bustling about the house talking on the phone with some friend, she would erupt in laughter every now and again but other than that she sat in stony silence, left alone to contemplate her predicament._

_Finally with a deep sigh she raised herself from the bed and walked toward her window, more precisely to the pane where a small weathered calander hung then she simply stood in front of it, gazing at it with glassy eyes. _

_Circled with a thick blue marker was September 16th, Due Date was all it read. Today was the 15th._

Closing his eyes as if to recal Sesshomaru sat for a moment, "It was seven years after you left, Kagura and I were to be married. We slept together a few nights before I was to leave town for a few months. She called me five weeks later to inform me of her condition, we made the appropriate plans and scheduled the wedding sooner. Three months later she called to tell me she'd had a miscarriage and broke off the engagement." He finished opening his eyes again, they depicted no emotion, in fact his whole tale had been told without the slightest hint of regret.

Rin had sat silently listening to the story taking a sip from her tea every few minutes and now she stood, grabbing her glass she left the dinning room and entered the kitchen, turning on the sink she begun to wash the ceramic cup. Her hands shook for a bit, her legs were weak but she chose to ignore it, 'So this is the big secret...this is what everyone had kept from me...' Lifting her head Rin looked out the window situated above the sink, 'Even Kohaku...he must've known.' She thought rage building inside her. 'What a fool.'

Sesshomaru followed her to the sink and stared down at her for a few beats, "You have no need to do that yourself, that is why we have a maid, Rin."

Ignoring his comment Rin continued on and hung the cup on the dish rack to dry before turning back to him, "What about Kagura?" She asked.

Leveling her with a cool stare, Sesshomaru nodded, "She and I have a mutual understanding that it is not either of our faults and have remained on good terms."

Throwing down the towel she was using to dry her hands, Rin glared at Sesshomaru, "You talk as if your a damn dictionary, Sesshomaru! I know you must've cared for her to have actually wanted to marry her! Did you love her? Did you want that child? Hm? Because it sounds to me like they were both nothing to you!"

Sesshomaru glanced at her and gave a mirthless smile, "The marriage was arranged to join both Kagura's family business and mine together. Our fathers wanted it and the child was just the seal on the envelope."

Horrified, Rin gripped the edge of the counter for support and stared at Sesshomaru, "Did you not care for either of them at all?" She questioned, "Are you really that cold?"

Sesshomaru stared at Rin for a few moments before walking towards her and locking both arms on either side of her body, leaning down he pressed his mouth to her ear, "I do not love, Rin."

Pushing him away Rin stepped back and looked at the man she was married to, anger boiled inside her, outrage that he would force her into a loveless marriage, hostility over the way he made her daughter, their daughter, love him so and anger about how he was willing to keep everything as it was. Turning her back on him, Rin tried to take a few deep breaths until she felt him walk closer towards her, and closer and closer until he was less that twelve inches away from herself.

Outside the sun was just peeking over the horizon, a bat screeched for the final time and a bird fluttered about it's nest.

Inside a loud whack resounded within the house, Rin stood breathing heavily, her hand still balled in a tight fist, her knuckles red from the force of the punch she had given Sesshomaru who still stood where he had before, not even a mark marred his prestine features.

His eyes remained golden for all of two seconds before they begun to turn a light shade of pink, without the slightest hint of anger, Sesshomaru opened his mouth to speak but he was quickly cut off.

"What about Irina? Why make her love you? Why! She's your daughter damn it, have some decency to at least have let her live without ever knowing you! Now she'll grow to know you'll never love her no matter what!" Rin yelled as she walked to one of the cabinets and grabbed a few trash bags before heading out of the kitchen and going up the stairs.

"Rin!" Sesshomaru roared after her.

Rin shut the door behind her and locked it silently, she flipped on the light and begun to gather her clothes in one of the bags then Irina's in another. Jasper woke up and yawned as he silently watched her with droopy eyes.

Sesshomaru still stood in the kitchen feeling the side of his cheek slightly amused but greatly angered at the haughtyness of his wife, walking to his room Sesshomaru pulled out his keys and went to Rin's room. Quietly he unlocked the door and entered.

Rin glared at him as she tied the last of the bags up, "Get out, Sesshomaru." She said walking past him with two of the three bags, grabbing her keys Rin depposited them in the back of her truck before heading back inside and grabbing the final bag as well as Jasper and his leash. Ignoring Sesshomaru as she did so.

All that was left to take was Irina, Rin silently prepared herself as she climbed up the steps and entered the house. Sesshomaru sat beside Irina, waiting for her.

As Rin slipped into the room he stood and blocked her way. "Move." She growled staring him straight in the eye.

"You know the consequences, Rin." he said still blocking her path.

"I'd rather pay ten thousand dollars in court than be here with you." She answered pushing him aside. Turning back to him she looked into his eyes again and with a sad sigh she shook her head, "We aren't things you own, Sesshomaru. We are human beings and unlike you, Irina and I need love to survive. Maybe one day you'll find it and I hope you do, maybe it'll be Irina that helps you to find it." She said picking up Irina and carefully walking down the stairs and out of the house.

Sesshomaru still stood in the room thinking about his wife, reflecting on the way she had so tenderly picked up their child, her eyes going from hateful to loving in less than ten seconds. Her words losing their sharp edge as she lifted Irina into her arms and left him.

Then all at once it hit him, Rin was gone and he had let her go.

Rin sat Irina down in the truck and strapped her in shushing the child when she woke up.

"Mama? Where we going?" She asked rubbing her eyes and sitting up. "Where's daddy?" She asked looking back to the house.

"We're going to grandma's house, okay? Daddy isn't coming with us he wants to stay here." Rin answered pulling out of the driveway and heading into traffic.

"Okay..." Irina murmured falling back asleep.

Rin drove to her mother's house and turned off the truck. She sat in the seat for a few minutes looking out into the familiar yard with blank eyes then finally she got out and begun to unload the vehicle.

Grabbing her keys, Rin opened the front door and laid Irina down on the couch, let Jasper out into the backyard then found her mother sitting at the table with a steaming cup of coffee staring up at her.

"Hey mama." She whispered walking over to the aged woman.

Pushing herself back from the table her mother stared up with a worried look, "Rin, what happened?"

"I left..." Rin whimpered before collapsing in a heap into the older womans' lap sobs raking her small frame. "I left..." She whimpered again.

After a few minutes Rin stood wipping away her tears and with her mothers' help carried all her things into her old room, "Stay as long as you like, Rin." She told her before walking out of the room leaving Rin to lay and think about her situation. From below she could hear her mother walking about talking to Irina as the little girl chattered on. Tears streamed down her eyes as she recollected the night's events. Kohakus' face surfaced in her mind, she thought over the man and about their situations. He was good with Irina, he said he cared about her as well as Rin and yet when she opened her mouth all that came out was, "Sesshomaru..." Tears fell from her eyes, over her cheek, down her nose and dropped into a puddle onto her pillow.

**SUENA: I apologize for my chapters taking so long! I no longer have a computer at my desposal so I might not update for months at a time! Thank you everyone!**


	10. Surprise

_**Surprise**_

She looked up into the night sky, her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she walked across the small yard, her path lit by the light of the full moon.

Taking a deep breath she sighed and stood over the prospurous flower beds starring aimlessly at the petals of a dying rose. Her heart constricted within her chest as she crushed it within the palm of her hand.

It was one of those days, the day where even the sun coudnt warm her ailing spirit, where the waters couldnt sooth the pain and her daughters laughter ceased to clear the clouds surrounding her.

Letting the petals drift to the grass below she wrapped her arms around her body as if trying to hold herself together.

"Mommy?" A small voice called.

Putting her hand over her mouth she tried to stiffle the sob threatening to escape and turned to face the figure standing in the doorway. Outlined be the light behind her she resembled him in so many ways, her eyes shined through the shadows that covered her piercing through the darkeness and landing right on her.

"What is it?" Rin asked wipping away the tears.

"Why are you outside?" The little girl asked hopping off the porch and making her way to her mother.

"Go back inside, I'll be there in a minute, you don't have your shoes on, youre going to get sick!" She scolded walking back to the house, taking the childs hand they crossed back to the door and went inside.

"I woke up alone, why did you leave me?" Irina asked pushing open the door to their bedroom.

"Shh! Your going to wake up Grandma." Dodging the question Rin pulled the covers back and patted the bed next to her, "Come on, lay down."

Jumping up, Irina scrambled unto the bed and squirmed undernieth the blankets, "Oohh! It's SO comfortable!" She squealed hugging the pillow.

"Yep, now close your eyes and go to sleep." Rin whispered kissing Irina's forehead. Laying back she let her head rest against the pillow propped behind her head and relaxed.

Her eyes were beginning to drift shut when Irina turned to her, "When are we going to go back with Daddy?"

Startled, Rin stiffened for a few seconds before answering, "He loves you, Irina," She choked out, "But we aren't going to be living with Daddy, anymore. We're going to move into our own house and He'll come visit you."

Silence settled over the room for a minute before a forlorn sigh tumbled out of the childs mouth, "Okay."

The room went still as the night wore on, Rin stayed awake and thought over her situation, sleep eluding her until with an angry huff she shot up out of the bed and walked into the kitchen.

For two weeks they had been living with her mother in her father's house, not once had Sesshomaru come to visit Irina, nor had he called to ask about her. Kagome, Sango, Miroku and even Inuyasha had come over once or twice to ask if Rin was okay or if she needed help with anything. Kohaku had called a few times begging for Rin to let him come over and talk things out but each time she had refused and told him to give Kanna a call instead.

Glancing at the clock on the stove Rin silently cursed and mentally shrugged as she trugged up the stairs. It was four-thirty in the morning. She had been laying down for seven hours with no use.

Pulling her hair up into a high pony tail Rin paced the house for a few minutes before setting up a pot of coffee and sitting down at the table.

For the next hour she sat beside herself and simply replayed the last few moments she had shared with Sesshomaru until her mother emerged.

The older woman let out a mighty yawn and stretched her withering bones, "What are you doing up so early, and on a sunday, too." She chidded, "Oh! Coffee!"

"Morning, Mom. Couldn't sleep. It'll hit me later." Rin answered welcoming the distraction her mother presented. "So what are you going to do today?"

Fixing her coffee the older woman threw the spoon she'd used in the sink and tapped her chin, "Mmm, well I need to do some grocery shoping and the door needs a new coat of paint, but other than that, nothing!" She smiled sitting down.

"What time are you leaving to the market? I want to go." Rin murmured placing her cup in the sink and filling it up with water.

"Well go get some sleep and as soon as you wake up We'll go." Her mother told her as she sipped a bit of the steaming liquid.

Rin laughed as she exited the room, "Okay, night mom."

"Good Morining!" She retorted.

The early morning sun was just peeking over the horizon when Rin crawled back into bed Irina stired just before rolling back over, her breath becoming steady as she settled back down. Sleep finally apreared at the edges of Rin's mind. She felt her body become light as a feather before finaly being swallowed in a blanket of black silk.

_She could feel his hands on her, his breath against her neck. His hair was fanned over her stomach as his teether nipped their way over her body. _

_She gasped and tried to pull him closer but when she touched him he seemed to disipate until nothing remained. _

Her eyes opened one at a time, sluggish, she pushed herself up and off the bed. Popping her back Rin stood and listened for a minute, she could hear clattering in the kitchen and footsteps running about the house accompanied by laughter.

With each step she took Rin could make out voices as well coming from the kitchen until with a startaling realization she placed one of the voices, "Hello, Kohaku." She said crossing her arms over her chest.

"Afternoon, Rin. I just came by to say a quick hello and goodby to your mother, here." He said smiling sheepishly nodding to the other woman who stood over the sink washing the dishes from the previous day.

"Really?" Rin answered sarcasm dripping from every corner of her being, "And how is that going for you two?"

"Rin, quit being rude!" Her mother yelled. Putting up the last of the dishes.

"Mama...just... ugh. When are we going to the store?" Rin asked, "And where's Irina?"

Just as she spoke the child ran into the house and shoved a hand full of flowers into Kohaku's arms.

"These are for you!" She said smiling, "Mama! Youre awake!"

"Well now that your up, I guess we can go now, you ready?" Her mother asked rising placing her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, let's go." Turning Rin glared at Kohaku, "Thanks for the visit but we're going now." She said pulling Irina toward the door.

"Actually, Kohaku, why don't you come with us?" Grabbing her purse and keys Rin's mother pushed past her daughter and smiled, "We only got to talk for a short time."

Kohaku chuckled as he pushed the chair into the table, "Well that sounds real nice bu-"

"The car will be too crowded and I'm sure Kohaku has better things to do than linger at the market with us, Mama!" Rin cut in.

Glaring at Rin both Kohaku and her mother stood, "Actually, I think I'll accept your offer Miss Koyamada." Kohaku said looking right at Rin.

Miffed Rin turned on her heel and walked out the door, "Irina, get in and put on your seat belt." Rin growled as she jumped into the backseat.

Kohaku took the front seat next to her mother and so the foursome went along their way.

Irina smiled and flirted shamelessly with Kohaku while Rin kept silent until they were inside the store.

"Alright, we need eggs, milk, carrots, meat and so on." Her mother chirped.

"She always this cheerful?" Kohaku asked laughing.

"Always." Rin said smiling as she finaly begun to feel at ease. "Irina, don't touch those!" She called pulling the child away from a stack of glass jars.

"I wasn't going to pick it up, Mom, I just wanted to see it." The little girl pouted. Walking over to Kohaku she swung her arm back and forth giggling.

Rin smiled when Irina grabbed her hand as well and begun to swing each persons arms. "Irina, what are you doing?" She asked laughing until she felt Kohaku's eyes fall on her.

Looking up her smile fixed to her face Rin starred back at Kohaku. Her heart sped up just the slightest bit and a blush graced her cheeks.

"DADDY!" Irina yelled letting go of both the hands she'd been holding and running into a man standing at the end of the aisle. She wrapped her arms around the man's legs, "I missed you!"

Wrenching her eyes away from the man beside her Rin could only stare into the eyes of the man holding her child.

"Hello Rin." He said leaning down and picking up the child and taking her into his arms.

He wore a fresh clean white shirt and standard blue jeans, it was sunday after all but his outfit still shocked Rin a bit, she'd never seen him in anything but his suit and tie.

Finding her voice Rin turned to him, "Hello, Sesshomaru." Looking back at Kohaku she nodded, "This is Kohaku, Kohaku this is Sesshomaru."

"Ah, Sesshomaru." Kohaku said placing his hand on the small of Rin's back.

Stepping out of his reach Rin glared, "So what are you doing here, figure one of your maids would shop for you." She chidded.

"I don't need to explain myself to you." He answered as he placed Irina back down.

"Daddy, we've been staying the night with Grandma." Irina said.

"That's good, Irina." He said as he ran his hand over her hair, "Are you being looked after properly?"

Anger boiled within Rin, "I would think that after eight years of being a single mother I would know how to care for my child." She answered for her daughter.

"Sesshomaru, I found the olives we were looking for."

Sesshomaru turned just as a beautiful woman came around the aisle.

Rin gasped as she watched the woman take in the group from Kohaku to Irina and finaly herself. The woman was small, her body thin, her hair was pixie like pulled in a high bun with bangs. Her features were fine and almost child like but what stood out the most were her eyes. The deepest of browns dipping into a red hue.

"Rin? Is that you?" She asked taking a step foreward.

"Hello, Kagura." Rin murmured watching as the other woman took Sesshomaru's hand into her own. "It's been awhile."

**Suena: Thanks for reading, I do not own Inuyasha (Or any characters affiliated with the series.) Like I said before, I no longer have the use of a computer so my chapters are going to take awhile to come in but I promise to try and get at least one chapter in every two months!**


	11. The Fool

**_Suena: There is strong language and violence in this chapter!_**

**_THE FOOL_**

Rin watched the other woman with a sense of anger, her heart slowed it seemed just as her voice turned as cold as ice.

"It has, hasn't it? We should all go out sometime," Kagura offered before turning her attention to Irina and offering her hand, "Hello, what's your name, little one?"

Irina gazed up at the adoring woman and smiled, "Hi, I'm Irina." She chimed taking the out stretched hand and pumping it up and down.

Kagura smiled, laughter deep in her eyes, "Is that so, well my name is Kagura. I've been friends with your mama since we were little."

Rin glared at Sesshomaru and turned to Kagura, "Yes, well sorry to be rude but we have to leave now." She grabbed Irina's hand and begun to walk away when Irina yanked her hand back.

"No! Mama, I want to stay with daddy!" She yelled pulling her arm back as hard as she could and reaching for Sesshomaru with the other.

"What?" Kagura asked pulling her hand out of Sesshomaru's, "She's your daughter?" Kagura choked out.

"She's my daughter." Sesshomaru confirmed closing his eyes and mentally counting to ten before returning to the situation.

"Fuck you!" Kagura growled her hand striking his cheek before even he registered her intentions.

Rin spared a quick glance at Kohaku, he stood a little shocked as he watched the three and sighed and begun to explain, "Kagura I-"

"You had a baby with...with RIN!" Kagura asked cutting off Rin her hands balling into tight fists, "With Rin and...and yet you couldn't even..." Kagura murmured her teeth grinding together as she searched her mind for the words, "Not even one with me...?"

Irina who'd been hiding beside Rin begun to cry, her face becoming red as the tears escaped and ran down her cheeks, "Mama!" She whimpered lifting her hands for her mother.

"Oh, Irina Shhh..." Rin whispered as Kohaku picked Irina up and wrapped his arms around her. Shooting a hard look at Sesshomaru and feeling a mix of anger, disappointment and anxiousness she smiled at Irina, "Let's go to the car, okay?" She chirped.

The little girl sucked in a deep breath and nodded before laying her head against Kohaku's shoulder.

"What the hell was that?" Kohaku asked nodding in the direction they had just come from.

Rin walked quietly for awhile before laughing at the situation she was in, "I have a lot of baggage." She got out just before they reached her mothers car.

Irina jumped in and smiled, "Why are you laughing, mama?" She wondered.

Rin shook her head, leaning back on the sun warmed car she closed her eyes, "It's nothing, baby. You okay, now?"

Irina sat quiet for a few moments before letting out a great sigh and shrugging, "I guess. So why was Kagura mad?"

Kohaku smirked as he watched the little girl and looked up at her mother, "She's just like you, Rin."

Bemused Rin nodded, "Yeah, but let's hope she's a little smarter than me."

"I asked a question." Irina huffed in the car, crossing her arms over her chest she feigned anger and glared out the window. Her eyes caught him in a millisecond, "There's daddy!"

Rin quickly pushed herself off the car and stood as if ready to fight, "What do you want, now?"

Sesshomaru simply walked by her and pulled his arm back, landing a punch square on Kohaku's jaw that knocked the man down onto the pavement.

"What the fuck!" Kohaku yelled cradling his cheek in his hand as he pushed himself back on his feet.

"Sesshomaru!" Rin yelled, "What is wrong with you!" She turned to Irina, "Close your eyes and cover your ears!"

"MAMA!" The child sobbed past the tears clogging her throat, she boxed her ears shut with her hands and clenched her eyes shut the sounds of her own cries filling her.

Rin looked back at the two men in time to see Kohaku swing back at Sesshomaru, clipping his shoulder. "Shit man!" She yelled, "I can't believe you just fucking did that in front of your daughter you ass! STOP! BOTH OF YOU!" Rin yelled at the top of her lungs.

Sesshomaru pushed Kohaku against a nearby car, his eyes a deep red he lunged and landed another punch against Kohaku's jaw.

Kohaku had recoiled his hand to strike Sesshomaru when Rin stepped between the two, "ST-" She began to say only to be cut off when Kohaku's punch hit her .

"SHIT!" Kohaku yelled jumping to break her fall only to be hit back by Sesshomaru, and hitting the ground hard.

"YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Rin screamed pushing Sesshomaru away as tears filled her eyes, "This is what happens when you two act like fucking idiots! THIS!" She raged holding her face.

Sesshomaru stood and pulled Rin's hands back, she simply slapped his hands away, "Let me look at it, Rin." He growled.

Rin stopped fighting for a moment and glared. Turning her cheek to him she asked, "Does it look bad?"

Kohaku could only stare at the two, they seemed some how in sync with each other, one body two people, "Are you okay, Rin?" Kohaku asked standing back up.

"Don't come near her." Sesshomaru warned tucking Rin behind his body.

"Sesshomaru!" Rin admonished.

"Don't you dare try and order her around." Kohaku yelled just as a police car came upon the trio.

Silence settled as the door opened and the siren stopped wailing, a tall dark haired man with sunglasses stepped out and surveyed the scene. He cleared his throat, "We got a call about a feud, now is there a problem?"

Rin let out a deep sigh and ran her fingers through her hair, "Oh dear lord." She murmured.

"Kohaku?" The officer asked taking off his glasses and looked at the other man.

"Yeah, Hey Hojo, you on duty again?" Kohaku asked laughing sheepishly.

"Yep, and I am curious as hell to know what the fuck hit you guys" Hojo asked taking a step around Rin as well as Kohaku and Sesshomaru.

"Officer, please it was just a misunderstanding, can you please let us go?" Rin asked inching closer to the car and peeking in on Irina.

She child stared wide-eyed back at her.

"Well, Ma'am I'm sorry but I can't do that until I get the story out." Hojo answered looking hard at her swollen cheek and bruised eye, "Ma'am could you please turn your head this way."

Rin turned showing him her face, "It was an accident." She murmured lamely.

"He struck her." Sesshomaru said nodding to Kohaku.

"It was an ACCIDENT for Christ sake!" He turned to Hojo and shook his head, "She jumped in front of me and I had no time to recall."

"Okay, let's start from the very beginning, Ma'am what's your name..." After running every ones name and facing Rin's worried mother the officer took every ones account of what happened and asking whether or not they would all like to press charges on one another he let them all off with a warning. "Now don't get into anymore trouble, see you Tuesday, Kohaku!" With that Hojo drove off.

Looking at each man Rin huffed, "You two disgust me." She tossed back as she got into the car and wrapped her arms around Irina.

"Shit." Kohaku growled jumping in the car as well.

Sesshomaru watched the two with a hateful glint in his eye and walked to Rin's window, he leaned over it until she turned and looked at him, "We need to talk."

Rin nodded, "I know."

Irina popped up and waved, "By dad." She murmured resting her head against Rins side.

Sesshomaru reached through the window and stroked her cheek, "Goodbye Irina." He told her, "Tomorrow night, at my house, we can talk." He arranged as he straightened.

"No." Rin murmured, "At my dad's." She amended. "Let's go mom." Rin called putting on her seatbelt.

"Goodbye, Rin."

"Goodbye, Sesshomaru." She answered not looking up, not looking into Kohaku's eyes. She didn't want to see the betrayal in his eyes, she could feel it though, deep within the car, so heavy that even Irina kept silent on the long drive to her father's house.

**SUENA: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters affiliated with the series, as I have said before in previous chapters I have no computer right now but I'm trying to updsate ASAP. Thank you to all of those who've read my story!**


	12. Like A Woman

**WARNING: Some strong language and lime in this chapter. **

**I do not own Inuyasha or any character affiliated with the series.**

**~.:. Like A Woman.:.~**

Brown eyes stared out from behind the window, dazed and weary they watched the man step out of the sleek car. He went around the vehicle and opened the back door, ducking inside he quickly resurfaced holding a sleeping child in his arms. They were like an add in a magazine, both as ethereal as they were beautiful. The light reflected from the setting sun danced in their hair, it cast their fronts in shadows which the mans eyes pierced through, turning his head those very eyes caught her in their smoldering hold.

Rin nodded in return chastening her pulse for speeding, pulling away from the widow she stepped in front of the door and opened it for the pair. Jasper barked from somewhere in the house and ran to the door and out it, she watched him for a moment in the yard and shut the door, letting him out to play for a bit.

"I thought you weren't going to bring her back until ten, what happened?" She asked opening her arms to the little girl.

"Show me where to lay her down." Sesshomaru said brushing past Rin and entering the house.

His tan slacks were perfectly fitted to his legs, 'You really would be thinking that.' She laughed to herself, too tired to even be angry, the white collard shirt he wore stretched over his frame as he leaned down to place Irina in the bed she and Rin shared. "Did she have fun with you and Kagura today?" Rin asked fishing for clues as to who he'd been with.

Sesshomaru straightened and turned towards her, "I wasn't with Kagura, nor any other woman today. I took Irina to her grandparents house for lunch and to see boats on the lake, she fell asleep on the drive here." He answered facing Rin with a blank stare.

Blushing Rin turned and walked out of the room, motioning to him she coaxed him out of the room and quietly closed the door with a soft click.

Swallowing down her nerves she took a deep breath and walked down the dimly lit hallway acutely aware of the fact that he was staring at her. She wanted to smack herself when she wondered if he liked what he saw.

"My mother isn't going to be home for awhile, she went out to Bingo for an all night session," At Sesshomaru's raised brown she smiled, "It's a Monday special type thing. You know, to keep the old folks from doing things they shouldn't at night." She added sarcastically, she could feel herself babbling but she couldn't help it. Her heart was beating heavily in her chest and her stomach was in knots at the very pit of her body.

She'd been dreading this moment but it was inevitable, her pride wouldn't allow her to call Sesshomaru after the incident and cancel even though she'd wanted to with all her being. So she was trapped by her own means to face him and finally clear the air.

'Almost 10 years of stagnant air,' She grouched pulling up a seat for Sesshomaru at the small table situated in the large kitchen, "Would you like coffee? I'll make some for you if you want, but we also have Tea, and I think some Lemonade..." She left the chair out for him to sit in and wondered towards the wooden cabinets, opening the doors she took two cups and opened the large white fridge. "I think I'll drink some tea, it tastes real good, I made it myself." She told him while she poured her drink and continued to spit out whatever came to mind, "Irina's missed you a lot these past two weeks. I bet she almost died and went to heaven when she saw you waiting for her this morning." Looking back at Sesshomaru from over her shoulder she asked him what he wanted to drink.

"Coffee." He answered a frown set deep in his face, "Your face is bruised." He observed after she'd turned on the maker and finally took a seat.

Embarrassed Rin lowered her head self-consciously and laughed sheepishly, "Yeah, Kohaku wanted to take me to a doctor but it's alright, it'll heal."

"Your still talking to him?" Sesshomaru asked glaring at her.

"Of course I am," She snapped, "Not that its any of your business."

"Who my wife sees _is_ my business." He growled before closing his eyes and letting his anger cool.

Rin watched him surprised at his reaction, his hands rested on top of the table clenched for a few seconds then smoothed out over the polished mahogany. His eyes opened right after but there was still a hint of annoyance to be found in them.

"Better?" Rin asked just as the coffee maker beeped. "Coffee's ready."

"Yes." Sesshomaru answered in regards to her first question.

'Of course he's annoyed, its me. He was always, _always_ annoyed when I'd come around, why would that change after all these years?' Rin stood taking his cup with her, "Do you want anything in it? Sugar? Cream? Milk?" She asked pouring in the black liquid, her toes curling in pleasure when the aroma slipped around her.

"Black." He told her, a queer sense of peace seeping in as he watched her take in the smell, her maroon painted toes taping up and down in delight.

She set the steaming mug in front of him and slid a napkin in next to it. "Just in case." She answered his questioning face.

"Okay," She huffed taking her seat once more, "Let's talk, we need to just tell each other everything, me about why I never told you about Irina, and you about what happened while I was gone." Rin said, "You can't cut in while I talk, and vice-versa." Tilting her head towards him she held out her hand, "Deal?"

Sesshomaru nodded ignoring her gesture, "You first." He replied.

"Wh-" She started, cutting herself off before she could start yelling and nodded, "Fine, Ill go first." Fiddling with her cup she tried to piece together the past decade and let her shoulders slump. Leaning back in her chair she began, "I didn't think you would care." Averting her gaze she stared at the brown tea setting in her glass, "We had sex, it was a one night thing, you were drunk and we both know that I...I wanted to be with you." She got out pulling her hands to her lap, trying to hide how badly they were trembling. "You didn't see me that way, I understand that Sesshomaru and I don't hate you for it but I do admit to being spiteful over it." It was like a blanket had been pulled off of her, she was completely exposed like it or not, "You were going to college in less than four months, you were rich, you were handsome, you were just everything I was not so how could you have possibly wanted anything from me, much less a child? I was so desperate to have you, even if it was just for a little while, so I took it. I know it was my fault we ended up sleeping together, I came after you while you were very vulnerable and took advantage of the situation. I didn't think about protection, I just didn't think, that was it. I was so crazy, so stupid and young. I just wanted to have you, no matter what," She admitted solemnly. "When I found out I was pregnant I was already living with my mother and I'd heard that you were dating Kagura. You were already leaving for college that month and a child with a girl you only ever saw as a friend if at that would have ruined all of your plans. I promised myself that I wouldn't do that to you so I kept it to myself. Then mom found out, she told dad but what could they do? It was too late and I wasn't about to give up my baby, it was never even discussed. It was a hard year for me, I was the new pregnant girl, I was heart broken, I was alone. Then she was born, and yes I thought about calling you but when I finally had the courage to pick up the phone one of the maids had said you were out or something like that..." Rin confessed biting her lower lip, "I never tried to call again, it was just that one time. When Irina came out with her silver hair, my Dad suspected she was a Taisho, and when her eyes opened he was sure. Mom cried and cried. The years just slipped by after that, so I thought there was no way you were ever going to find out. Then daddy died and I had to come back to pack away his things, and lay him to rest. I was only going to be here for a few days when Kagome and Sango found out, they let it slip and all hell broke loose." She sighed finally coming to an end, "I didn't want you to ever know because I didn't know how to face it. I tried to protect you both but I ended up hurting you and cheating you both out of a great relationship and I will never be able to forgive myself for it but had I known or even felt just a little bit that you would've wanted her, I would have never let this happen. I love Irina and would never want to hurt her, but I know how cold you are! You might have turned your back on her leaving her with the impression that she wasn't good enough for you, and I didn't want her to feel that, because I know what its like!" Rin cried hot tears pooling in her eyes, "I am sorry for our situation, but I promise to you that no matter what I will never hold her from you." She finished brushing away the wet streaks her crying had left on her face.

They sat in silence for a long while, only the sound of the ticking clock and an occasional passing car present. Sesshomaru studied Rin, her head bowed in shame, eyes not daring to meet his. Her hair was pulled back into a high pony tail, her T-Shirt was an old one, once a deep orange now pale after being washed so many times. He didn't know what he was feeling, he'd read books on psychology books on how emotions work and could name them all by just a few symptoms but he personally had never experienced them. Until now.

Slowly Sesshomaru lifted his mug and took a sip. Although Coffee didn't effect him he liked the taste of it, bitter liquified. Few if any liquids effected him, his youkai was too strong to be overpowered. He wanted her to look at him, so that he could confirm what she'd promised. He wanted her to just bend to his will like all others do. Even if he wouldn't admit to himself that that was exactly what he wanted. He couldn't give in and tell her that he wanted her, whether it was her body or mind he wouldn't say because even he didn't know and if he did there was no chance that he'd say it. As a teen he'd taken her because he'd wanted her, he was sure his desire would fade but after taking her three times that night and when he first saw her after all those years only to find that it hadn't waned in the least he'd gone out of control. Rin made him go out of control.

"Please say something." Rin pleaded, her hands fidgeting beneath the table.

Sesshomaru had nothing to say, he was speechless for the first time in his life and so he started in on the only thing he could.

"I married Kagura six years ago, during the third year of my college education. It would join our families companies and we shared a mutual respect for each other. There would be no complications and the heirs produced would be well bred, it was a mistake, I have learned." He stated.

Rin lifted her head, she hadn't expected him to start on his story just yet, she'd expected him to throw her out a window, or at least growl at her for her idiocy, but not this.

"We had trouble producing a child, after a year I left on my first business trip. I didn't know Kagura was with a child at the time until I got a call from the Doctor telling me that she'd miscarried." His voice never wavered, he never flinched and his eyes certainly didn't fill with pain as he talked only recollection crossed his features if anything, "She has a T shaped uterus, so it is difficult if not impossible for her to have children. Afterward Kagura became very withdrawn and I didn't have the time to deal with her insecurities so our marriage ended less than 6 months later. She filed, I signed. That is all." He said again sipping his coffee.

Rin stared at him, shocked at his coolness and the tragedy of the situation. "Did you ever love her?" She asked.

Sesshomaru contemplated the question for a bit and leaned on his elbows, "Love is fake, Rin. I did not love Kagura but I knew that we could do great things together, companionship was easily established between us."

Her heart sank as he spoke but she couldn't stop herself, "Do you feel any remorse for the child?" She asked fearing the answer.

"I didn't know about the child, by the time I did it was too late. There is no point in caring for the dead." Straightening his back Sesshomaru could only stare out at Rin through glass eyes.

Rin's mouth fell open slightly, as she stared at him, horrified. It was true what he'd said but it was also, so...inhuman to not be able to feel even the slightest for the child although it was true that he wasn't a human the reason still stood.

"Do you love Irina?" Rin asked, desperate with feeble hope to hear the answer she knew would more than likely not be.

Sesshomaru gazed at her with his cold eyes, never missing a beat, "I care for her, she is my offspring. She is mine to protect, and mine to help raise. I have said before Rin, there is no love in this Sesshomaru."

The silence descended upon them once again, suffocating Rin, choking the very breath from her as she tried to grip her daughters as well as her own situation. 'He will never love me, I understand that but can Irina? Can she feel what he says is untrue? What happens when she asks him if he loves her...what will he say? What can he say, hes already promised never to love but I know he cares for her no matter what he spouts out.' She thought as she took the man in, how immaculate he looked. Fresh even though it had to have been hours since he got ready, poise even through their grueling conversation. Her husband was a truly heartless man, and that thought sent shivers down her spine.

"Why did you marry me?" Rubbing her arms she tried to shake off the chill that had just erupted within her.

Sesshomaru pushed back a stray lock of hair that had fallen over his shoulder, and sat still until Rin returned her face to his, when she finally did he spoke, "Our marriage served me one purpose, to no longer mark my child as a bastard."

"Of course that's why..."Rin murmured lowering her eyes to her lap. "You were the only man, Sesshomaru, for me." She said tugging at the hem of her shirt, "I never found any man that could attract me as much as you, even after nine years." Tears had gathered and now fell, angry at herself more than him she continued, "Do you know how bad I want you to want me?" She asked cutting him off before he could speak, "Of course you don't! How could you? You can't love, as long as the relationship offers some sort of advantage to you, you don't give a fuck who your with. Oh as long as she's not ugly, fat or idiotic right?" She growled the tears soaking into the collar of her shirt, drenching her bangs, "Well you got the shit end of the stick, because I am NOT beautiful, I'm not skinny, but I am smarter than you seem to think I am." She yelled pushing back her seat and standing proudly. "I won't force you to stay married to me." She told him after a few seconds of calming herself, "I know I probably won't marry again and I'm fine with that, you have access to Irina whenever you want as long as I don't already have plans and we can divide the holidays." Rin thought aloud.

Sesshomaru who'd been taking in all that she had to say with no comment until now stood to his full height, "We will not divorce, Rin."

Rin rubbed her temples in an attempt to calm the headache that had come with the tears while she begun to pace from the kitchen sink to the table. 'What purpose would it serve to stay with him? He can only hurt you, he can't offer you anything beyond necessities and extravagance...can I stay in this marriage without love?' She wondered. 'Who else would want to marry me, anyway? Do I really want to spend the rest of my life alone?' With a start she gasped when Kohaku came to mind, his smile kind and open, loving and sweet. Handsome in his charming way, weathered from years of working in the sun, sinewy muscles adorning his stout body. He was exactly the man for Rin, he was what she should want and yet...Sesshomaru watched her still, anger fanning in his golden eyes, he had no warmth to offer, no smiles, no words other than the promise to never stray. He was gorgeous with a great elegance, his body was lined with generous muscles he was the perfect specimen when it came to manhood. 'He's all I'll ever be able to see...god it's so true.' Rin knew without a doubt that all she would ever be able to offer was friendship to anyone other than this man.

"You've ruined me for anyone else." Was all she could say.

Sesshomaru smiled then, a cold careless smile. "You will come back with me to my home, tomorrow your things will be moved back." He ordered the smile fading leaving behind a face so calculatingly cold that all Rin could do was stare into them and cry.

'How could you?' She screamed inside to her heart. 'Why couldn't you have loved anyone else? Anyone but him.' She plopped into her chair and buried her face in her hands, sobs shaking her body, echoing loudly in the still house. She was defenseless when it came to him, love had rendered her useless. Years of loneliness had taken its toll, she couldn't stand to be without him. No matter how much she tried to deny it, all he had to do was call and she'd always come, making up excuse after excuse for her actions. He was her sun, her moon, the water she needed to drink, the air she needed to breathe, without him she was just a shell. For nine years she'd dreamed of being with him, and then she was even for that short time only to be extinguished by his hatred and coolness. Those two weeks without him had proved how far gone she was, she'd only thought of him, only dreamed of him. He was so deeply imprinted within her there was no way to erase him.

Rin felt herself being lifted up and out of the chair, she heard the front door swing open and felt the night breeze caress her bare skin, Sesshomaru held her securely in his arms, his scent intoxicating, beckoning her to him. She let her tears fall even as she leaned into his chest and settled her mouth over the silken skin along his neck. She wanted to bite down hard and rip him to peaces just as he'd done to her soul, instead she let her tongue lap at the base, where his pulse ran strong and steady.

Sesshomaru ignored the desire burning through his senses and continued on his way, smug as hell because he'd won. He opened the passenger side door and placed her on the seat, he reached over her, clicked her seat-belt and returned to the house.

Rin held back her sobs as the ache in her heart continued to grow, threatening to never stop. Love was long gone between herself and Sesshomaru, everything dies at one point in time and it seemed Sesshomaru's heart had long ago. She stared out of the window, her head pressed miserably against the glass and watched Sesshomaru step out of the house holding Irina in his arms, the lights were off when he shut the door and made his way towards the back seat.

He lay a groggy Irina in the back seat and strapped her in as well, turning around he whistled for Jasper, letting the growing dog jump into the back he locked them in, then they were on their way back to his home.

The road was dark, no street lights lit the way, the only thing she could see was the crescent moon and some shifting shadows in the trees. It was a quiet drive, Irina snored softly in the back, the air conditioner blew cool wind but Rin only sat her tears dry. They turned and his house came into view.

The roses were still in bloom, the vines climbing up the sides of the house gave it an old-world feel. Sesshomaru parked the car and left to pick up Irina and lead her to their old room.

Jasper followed after them, his lanky body clumsy and shivering with excitement. Rin got out of the black car, shutting the door she sighed and leaned back against it. 'Can I really do this?' She asked herself as she gazed at the moon.

'_Did you know that the person who will love you for all time is under this exact same sky?' Rin asked her father,with a sense of wonder. _

"_I've already found love, Rin." He answered bundling her gangly body into his lap, "She was a beautiful woman, but you have to remember, Rin, sometimes men make mistakes that they just can't erase. I lost my love because she couldn't forgive me, her pride was too much." He murmured, his breath heavy from the alcohol, reaching around Rin he picked up his half-empty bottle and took a long hard swig, "Ah!" He breathed setting the bottle back down. _

_Rin smiled sadly, "I miss Mama, daddy." She said ruefully, her ten year old self too young to understand that her mother was exactly who her father was talking about._

Rin felt her face heat up at the thought of her late father, she blinked back the tears but failed, they came with a hot intensity, her chest rose and fell with each gulp of air. She didn't hear Sesshomaru come back out of the house, but she only felt him take hold of her hand and lead her inside. She was blind to the world and only felt the back of her knees make contact with a soft surface. She let herself fall back into the bed. She opened her eyes, grateful for the darkness in the room as she hiccuped.

The sheets were like water around her, cold and slick, she pulled a pillow down from its spot against the head bored and lay her head atop it. Rin felt the bed dip under a heavy weight, hands gripped the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up and over her head, she barely registered it. Numb from the pain she let her jeans and under clothes follow until she was completely nude.

Rolling over she started with grim determination for his shirt, she un-tucked it from his slacks and started undoing each button, her mouth cautiously nipping at the skin she exposed. She sat up and leaned him back into the sheets, desperate and angry at once. She straddled his torso, her fingers nimbly pulling at the zipper on his pants until they were open and down to his knees. He wore no underwear she learned with a deep blush. Ignoring her shyness she lapped at the crook of his neck, suckling and nipping, her salty tears mixing in with the taste of his skin.

Sesshomaru lay back and watched her, slipping out of his pants he let them fall to the floor, his shirt was bunched at his elbows, just barely hanging on to his shoulders. He leaned his head against the pillows, his breathing heavy with arousal, his lips pulled thin against his fangs. His chest rose and fell brushing against the very tip of Rin's, her growled and pulled her hips down against his, rubbing himself against her with furious need.

Rin closed her eyes and let out a low moan her breathing erratic, her mind completely gone she lay on top of him, her face still buried in his neck, "Please touch me," She asked, "Make me feel like a woman, Sesshomaru."

Sesshomaru stilled, thinking about his options he couldn't deny that he wanted her more than any woman he'd ever wanted before, there was no way he could stop himself.

Rin felt her heart sink as the seconds ticked by while Sesshomaru lay unmoving. The tears continued to fall fueled once more when Sesshomaru flipped her unto her back. She gasped and stared up at him, he bent back, discarding his shirt. He was now naked as well, slowly he leaned into her, his lips brushing hers softly, his tongue slipping inside her mouth in silent agreement.

Rin swallowed her tears and kissed him back, hungry and giving she needed him because she knew there was no one else who she could let have her like this. She was never going to stop loving him, he was her first and only love, he was the father of her child and he was her husband.

She knew it may just be sex to him, and he was merely getting rid of a need, but she was making love, she wasn't just having sex, she was giving away her heart.

**SUENA: Sorry for the very long wait, I have finally gotten a new computer so the chapters will be coming in more frequently, thank you to all who have read my story up to this point.**


	13. Mine

**SUENA: _Im sorry for such a huge delay with this chapter but here it is!_**

* * *

**_*:*Mine*:*_**

9:04 AM the digital clock beside the bed read.

The sun slipped through the blinds resting heavily on the lids of her closed eyes. Rolling over she sighed in contentment, pulling the blankets with her, she stilled when she felt the empty space beside her.

He'd been up for hours, no warmth remained where he had lain. Where he had lain for the past year. Her hands gripped at the sheets as she took in his scent. "Mmmm…" She groaned as she stretched and pushed the blankets away. Sitting at the edge of their bed she stood completely nude and walked to the bathroom adjoining their room.

Brushing her teeth she blushed at the deep red mark along her neck and its siblings dotted over her chest. Some old, some new.

Turning on the shower she stepped into the heat and let the shower head beat on her back, her mind wondering as she went through the motions of her bath.

Three months had passed since she'd come back and not once had she tried to leave. She knew that somehow, someway he would just have her back. Irina was now 7, rambunctious, full of mischief and so incredibly happy. Her Mother had fared well, she was still living in her late father's house and called frequently to check on her girls.

She had the man any woman would love to love, she had a house most people only dreamed of, she had her small family and she had not a worry in the world...

'_Then why am I not happy?'_ She asked herself but even as she asked she already knew. She would always know and always remember. '…_There is no love in this Sesshomaru.'_ The words echoed in her hallow heart as she knew they always would.

Out of the shower she quickly dressed, throwing on a fitted maroon shirt and jeans leaving her feet bare she walked to the kitchen. After some discussion, Rin had convinced Sesshomaru to rid the house of maids, and cooks. She hadn't wanted to be waited on hand and foot and the up keep of the house gave her something to do when she was bored after Sesshomaru had made it clear he was not pleased with her working.

Shed bent a little too easily in that argument.

Setting the table smiled when she looked out the double French glass doors to find her daughter running full speed at her husband, shrieking with laughter as a medium white dog tore after her. Jasper barked and jumped up at Irina when Sesshomaru lifted her into his arms and continued to run in circles around the man's feet.

Turning from the scene she threw eggs on to cook and sausage. Taking the pan from the fire she set her daughter up with the smallest portion and her husband with the largest. Stepping into the cool morning air she waived to her family, "Breakfast is ready!" She called out.

Jasper was already at her feet begging to be petted, not wanting to get her hands dirty Rin smiled at the canine and opened the door so he could run inside. "Irina don't forget to feed Jasper."

The silver haired child nodded, "Okay, what did you make?" She asked her golden eyes shimmering with youth.

Rin grabbed Sesshomaru's hand as he walked in and pulled him back to her, placing a chaste kiss on his lips she smiled, "Eggs and sausage. There are some biscuits too if you want." Rin said bringing out the basket of bread and setting it on the table.

Irina ran to the pantry, scooping up dog food she filled Jasper's bowl and proceeded to do the same with his water.

"Wash your hands before you eat!" Rin admonished.

With a, "Humph!" Irina ran to the kitchen, jumping to turn on the faucet she quickly cleaned her hands.

Rin smiled at her child, and looked up to find her husband watching her, he neither looked away nor showed any emotion that could give clue to what he was thinking.

"What?" Rin asked finally looking away first.

He said nothing and sat.

Her heart sank. '_Already regretting taking me back?'_ She wondered, her fear was never far from her mind. She knew the truth, she was only here because her daughter. His care stemmed from Irina onto her.

Later that day Rin knocked at the door to Sesshomaru's study.

"What is it?" She heard from behind the thick doors.

Turning the knob Rin popped her head in, "I'm running to the store, do you need anything?" She asked, re-positioning her purse on her shoulder.

"I left the household in your care at your request, Rin. If I need anything you should be the one know." He said dismissing her.

"Let me re-phrase, Do you _want_ anything?"

"No." He never looked back up, even when she slammed the door closed.

Walking to their daughters room she tapped at the door before stepping in, "Irina I-" She held her tongue when she saw her child sleeping soundly. Standing over her she crouched at the girls side and gazed at her. Brushing the bangs away from her face she let her hand wonder over her face. She traced the bridge of the girls nose, studied the pink markings that lay on her eye lids that would darken to a brooding red in her years to come. She kissed her temples as her heart pounded painfully in her chest.

Her love flooded every vein in her body, every instinct she had told her that this child was hers to protect and care for until the day she died, but even then she knew she'd continue on. Even if her husband didn't, she would love their baby with a ferocity that could overpower anything.

"Mama?" The child murmured sleepily lifting herself from the slumber she'd been in.

"Baby?" She asked continuing to stare at the little beauty.

"What is it?" She asked taking a deep breath, her small hand reaching up from beneath the blankets to rest on Rins cheek.

"Nothing, love. Do you want to go to the store with mommy?" Rin asked kissing the palm of Irina's hand.

Shooting up from the bed Irina smiled, "Can I get a toy?" She asked, her eyes bright with the prospect.

Rin nodded, "If you behave." She said, "Now put on some shoes, hurry!" Standing back up, Rin heard the phone ringing and left to answer it.

Lifting the receiver to her ear she opened her mouth to answer when she heard the distinct click of the other line.

"Sesshomaru?" Came a silken voice.

"What business do you have calling my home in the middle of the day?" Sesshomaru snapped.

"Baby you haven't called in so long and you ignore my texts and emails…I haven't seen you for almost two weeks, when are you going to see me again?" The woman asked, Rin could almost see her pouting.

"I told you not to call here, Kagura." Sesshomaru said a second before hanging up.

Rin could hear the other woman curse, "Sesshomaru?" She asked.

"No, it's Rin." Rin said before hanging up herself. She stood in shock for a few moments before a choked sob erupted from deep within her gut.

She heard his study door open from down the hall, she could feel his eyes on her, and when she looked up she could feel her anger erupting from her.

Hand still on the receiver she pulled the phone from the charger and threw it at him.

"Fuck you!" She screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Fuck you!" She yelled again, her chest rising and falling heavily.

Easily dodging the phone he walked towards her, fear filled her as he calmly took each step.

"NO!" She warned holding her hand out in front of her. "Don't you dare touch me! I swear Sesshomaru!"

Grabbing her wrist he quickly pulled her back into his study, "Quiet. Do you want Irina to hear you?" He asked.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before you went out the first time, you cheating bastard!" Clawing at his hand she growled angrily, "Let me go!"

Releasing his hold he smiled, "Are you going to leave? Where are you going to go, Rin? Will you run back to your mother? Or with that woman ,Sango's sibling?"

"That's none of your business," Pointing to herself she held her head up defiantly, "I am none of your business! Go ahead and try to take Irina from me! You don't want her, you don't love her! She'll never be happy with you!" Heartbroken Rin walked around his desk and sat in his chair holding her head in her hands she fought the tears as she saw the life she'd so desperately wanted burning around her. "Did you ever think that maybe you shouldn't? That maybe your daughter and I were worth more than a night with someone else?" She thought about it for a quick second and shook her head, "No don't answer that because apparently she was."

She'd known, she'd known this was too much. Kagura was always the woman he'd wanted. Always the woman he'd envisioned sharing his empire with.

"Your dramatics are becoming tiresome, Rin." Sesshomaru said, glaring at her. "Dry our eyes and go back to the room."

Her heart sank deeper within the ocean that was her soul as he eclipsed the sun that had begun peeking from behind the clouds that had always shadowed her broken life. '_This is Sessomaru…This is the man who brought down all that stood in his way. Selfish, arrogant, glorious, and so completely frozen.' _She thought breaking from the illusion he'd enchanted her with. _'It's always him, always what he wants… I am not Rin, I am his. Irina is not his daughter she is only a responsibility.' _

"Oh god…" Rin whispered, breathless.

"There is none." Sesshomaru said pulling back the chair she was seated in, "Now leave."

Looking up at him, Rin reached up, caressing his jawline. "You aren't the man I fell in love with," She whispered standing and kissing his mouth, "But you are the man I love." She admitted.

"Go."

Rin walked to the door, her mind made up, and turned wiping the tears from her eyes, "I still need to run to the store…I'll be back." She said.

Looking up at her from his papers she stared, looking for any sign that she may be lying, "Be sure that you are."

With that she slipped out, grabbing her keys she found her daughter sitting at the front porch steps gently rocking Jaspers head in her arms, looking up Irina smiled, "Are we leaving now?" She asked.

"Yeah, let's go, grab Jasper." Rin said opening her car.

She seated her daughter and let the dog jump into the back. Pulling out of the circular drive way Rin peeled out, stomping on the gas, she quickly hit 60mph. Pulling out her phone she dialed.

"Hey stranger." Kohaku greeted.

"I left." Rin blurted.

After a quick pause, Kohaku sighed, "Come stay with me, is Irina with you?"

"Of course," Rin said her voice breaking, "Im so sorry… he…He was with Kagura." Rin said glancing back making sure her daughter wasn't paying attention.

The little girl sat staring out the window, her feet swinging playfully.

Kohaku cursed harshly, "That son of a bitch, come over Rin and stay however long you need." He said.

Rin sighed, "I'm so sorry for having to ask you, Kohaku…but if I went to my moms' he'd find me and I…I just can't be with him! I can't go back, Kohaku!" She whispered cautious of her daughter.

"I know Rin…I'm glad you called. I'll be here." He said before hanging up.

Brushing off his comment Rin drove on ignoring her twisting gut, and the tearing sensation filling up her heart.

"Mama, I thought we were going to the store." Irina pouted as she parked in Kohakus' apartment complex.

"Not today, baby, Im sorry. Lets go see an old friend of mine, ok?" Rin said taking Jasper out on the lead.

"…Okay." Irina said dejected.

Kohaku opened the door of his home, stepping out on the second floor he waved down at them, "Come on up ladies." He called.

"Kohaku!" Irina yelled running up the flight and jumping into the mans arms, "I missed you!" The little girl squealed.

"Hey sweetheart, I been missing you something awful too." He said looking over Irina's shoulders to Rin.

Blushing, Rin looked away. "Irina, we're gonna be staying with Kohaku for a few days okay?"

The little girl nodded obediently, "But what about Daddy?" She asked.

"He's busy with work, he couldn't come." Rin said.

"You'd like my daddy, Kohaku! He's really quiet though, but he's still fun."

Rin looked up at Kohaku, her eyes conveying her apology, he shook his head and set the child back on her feet, "I bet he is, girl. Now run inside, I think there's some milk and chocolate syrup in the fridge, you can make yourself a glass of chocolate milk while your mama and I talk."

"Okay!" Irina chirped bounding into the apartment.

Rin hugged herself for a few moments, keeping her distance before finally placing her hand over face, "I'm such a fool." She cried.

Kohaku pulled her into his arms, running his fingers through her hair he calmed the crying woman and tried not to fall deeper in love with her.

"I knew something was wrong! I knew things were too good to be true, I knew he couldn't be satisfied with me, but I just wanted it to be true so much…" She sobbed into her shoulder, holding on to his shirt, afraid to let go.

"Shh…go ahead and cry, Rin." He whispered pressing his mouth to the top of her head.

And she did. She cried for the love she knew would never come her way, for her daughter but mostly she cried because she hurt.

And Kohaku held her. His arms never failing to catch her every time her heart fell, caring gently for her daughter when the child called and giving refuge to her small family.

Kagome and Sango found her after she'd collected what little of herself remained, their love soothing the open wound that was her heart.

"I can't believe Kagura would do that, no scratch that, after everything with the baby and going through all that I mean that woman just hasn't been the same." Sango comforted. "She's just so messed up in the head."

Kohaku sat at the table with the women, instead of a beer though, he had a can of coke.

Kagome glared at her can, too angry to speak.

Rin sat quietly digesting the words, letting them sink in.

In the other room, Irina slept quietly in a blow up mattress, Jasper on the floor beside her.

They talked into the night, each woman reassuring Rin of the bright future she could expect to find ahead, about the time that would ease her pain, about the mistake Sesshomaru had made.

Rin knew, she knew nothing would be okay. He'd take her daughter, he'd leave her as desolate as he had all those years ago.

The premonition left her chilled to the bone, more afraid than ever before.

She'd turned off her cell phone after she'd talked to Kohaku and hadn't heard from Sesshomaru since. She knew he'd find her and tomorrow she promised herself, she would face him for the last time.

She woke the next morning, her arms wrapped tightly around Irina and quietly shook the child awake, "Irina, wake up baby." She cooed into her ear.

"Is it time to go to school?" The girl asked.

"No, it's Sunday. Come on we're going to grandma's." Rin said standing and deflating the mattress.

She slipped her pants back on and threw her hair up into a messy tail. Jasper yawned as he stretched his body.

Irina sat up bleary eyed, "I don't have clothes to change into…" Irina mumbled.

Had she packed, Sesshomaru would've known not to let her go, she hadn't even grabbed their toothbrushes. "I know, grandma has some at her house." Rin said.

"Okay." Holding her hands up Irina waited for Rin to lift her onto her hip.

With a grunt Rin swung the child into her arms, "Ohhh your getting too heavy to carry baby!" Rin laughed kissing Irina's cheek.

"Where is Kohaku?" Irina asked looking around the dark apartment.

"He went to work at four, he told me to tell you G'morning." Rin said.

"Oh…" Irina mumbled.

Just as Rin reached the door there was a loud knock followed by a series of pounding. Fear struck her numb.

"RIN!" Sesshomaru yelled through the door.

'_Oh shit.'_ Rin mentally groaned.

The banging continued, "Hold on!" Rin yelled.

"Mommy who is that?" Irina asked clinging to Rins neck.

"Your daddy." Rin said turning the lock.

The knob turned in Rin's hand and the door opened before she could pull or move. Sesshomaru pushed through the door sending Rin and Irina falling to the floor, clutching her daughter to the chest, Rin turned so she fell on her back.

Groaning, she checked Irina quickly. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" Rin yelled picking up the shaken child.

"You hurt Mama!" Irina accused glaring at Sesshomaru.

"Give her to me." Sesshomaru said, his tone steady and slow.

"No." Rin said pushing past him.

"Rin! Do you realize what your ding?" Sesshomaru called as Rin tore down the stairs.

She slowed, her foot finally touching the ground turning to look back up at him she smiled through the tears that threatened to fall, "Yeah, I do. Goodbye Sesshomaru." She said turning and walking away.

She settled Irina and Jasper in the back seats, taking the keys from her pocket she drove away, watching Sesshomaru in the review mirror as he stood watching them go.

They drove through the city, still dark outside, the sun barely making its presence known to the sleepy residents.

Getting on the highway that led to her mother's Rin sped up, the speedometer crept up the dial, 40mph…50mph…60mph…65mph

Rin looked back to check on Irina and found her sleeping, leaning against Jasper who's head rested in her lap.

She felt a sense of calm, she could see now, she would be okay. Sesshomaru wouldn't win Irina, he couldn't. This child was hers, she'd always be with her no matter how hard he may try. The love she felt for Sesshomaru paled by far from the one she felt for her daughter, for the baby she stayed up with through the hard nights trying to make happy, for the toddler who smiled up at her when she thought she couldn't do a thing right and for the child who put her at ease when all seemed wrong.

She turned back in time to see the buck shoot out from the side of the road and slam into the side of the small car sending it flying into oncoming traffic. The car in the lane next to hers slammed on the breaks but not in time.

The head on collision sent Rin's car rolling off to the side of the road, she heard Irina scream and Jasper yelp a second before her head hit the top of the vehicle sending her into darkness.

The woman in the car jumped out of her totaled vehicle and ran to the small silver car that held Rin and her daughter. "Call 911!" She screamed to the small crowd that had gathered at the road side.

On the road just feet away the buck stood on shaky legs, disoriented he shook his head and walked down back into the trees surrounding the area.

* * *

_**SUENA: Please read and review!**_


	14. Lullaby

_**LULLABY **_

_In a place far away**  
**Where the water meets the sky**  
**The thought of it makes me smile_

_You are my tomorrow._

"_Mama, Oooohhh... It hurts." The 16 year old whimpered clutching the hand of the woman sitting next to her. The IV hooked to her body and the child within monitored both hearts, the beatings in unison, both mother and child were healthy, and the child was ready to come into the world, though not without a fight._

"_Sshh, it'll be alright, Rin." She soothed, "Your dad will be here in a bit, he said he was on his way a few hours ago." _

_Rin rubbed her swollen stomach and said a silent prayer, after 9 long hard months it was finally time. Her baby kicked at the stretched skin and suddenly the monitors were sounding. _

_After a minute the sweet nurse assigned to her came in, glancing over the beeping machine she scribbled down in her note pad and finally turned. With a bright smile on her soft face she nodded, "Okay I just called for you doctor, he will be here shor- Oop there he is!" She informed just as a man came bursting in._

"_Well Missy seems like that baby doesn't want to wait any longer, what do you say we get her out?" He boomed his deep voice echoing in the private room._

"_Oh god." Rin cried terrified of the journey she was about to embark upon. _

It was late afternoon, the sun shedding its last rays of light from the Autumn day. The air was crisp and the wind slightly around the small meadow. Trees surrounded the area, the leaves ranging in a variety of glorious colors, while the grass held fast to its greenery before winter could come and take it away.

She stood within it all. Her form strong and tall, she stood next to the grave. Her hair now longer pulled up in a high tail, eyes sadder no hint of makeup around them and shoulders heavier covered up by a light brown jacket. Beside her sat the dog, its snowy coat in contrast to the autumn leaves settled around it.

She stood for what seemed like ages, stood and just listened, just felt and simply was. Rin stood beside her daughter, she let the wind play with her hair as the child would do and listened to the memories that were constantly on her mind.

She could almost hear the beautiful voice, she would close her eyes and not once did she fail to see the angelic face, if she focused long enough and wished for it just as much she could swear she felt those delicate fingers entangling themselves in her own.

"Irina." She couldn't help but whisper, she couldn't help but beg for. As soon as she did though, the fingers would slip away, the face would turn back into black and the voice would cease to exist. Just as her daughter did. Because her daughter was dead.

"Happy birthday, Irina." Rin said to the grave marker. Running her fingers over the stone implanted in the ground, over the angel set atop it, "Take care of her." She told it and set the flowers within its' hands. Standing straight she turned and made her way back to her car.

"_IRINA!" She woke up inside the ambulance, her neck was so stiff and her body felt like it was engulfed in fire. "Irina!?" She asked straining her ears for the child's' reply._

"_She's gained consciousness." A man said standing above her, in his hands he held a bloody cloth, in the other a bottle of clear liquid. "Ma'am, can you tell me your name?" He asked._

"_Rin Taisho... Where is Irina? Irina! Baby?" She called helplessly already knowing the devastating truth, premonition set deep in her bones._

"_Ok, Rin stay with me. Tell me about yourself, about your daughter. Don't fall asleep, don't close your eyes." He pleaded, but she didn't care. She knew where her daughter was, she knew she wasn't ok._

Opening the door for the dog she let her jump in before herself. Putting the key in the ignition and turned it, the car purred and she pulled away from the curb, away from the cemetery and away from her baby.

She stopped for gas, and then for a quick drive through dinner. She drove to her small one bedroom apartment situated along the outskirts of the town, near her work at the local bank where she had been for 5 months now going on 6.

Stepping into her tidy home she allowed the dog to sweep in after her before shutting the door. Putting down her fast food bag she walked into the kitchen and took down the dogs food bowl. Filling it with the pebbles she set it on the floor and called out to the canine, "Bella, come here girl!"

And from around the corner came the dog, her fluffy tail swaying to and fro, the medium sized dog bounced happily along ready for her dinner.

She placed the bowl down, washed her hands and got ready to eat her own meal. Settling down for the night she turned on the TV and begun flipping through the channels when her phone rang.

Hitting mute, she picked up her cell, checked the caller ID and sighed, "Hello?"

"Rin, Hi this is Ryan Hamilton just giving you a courtesy call before the divorce is completely settled tomorrow. You will be getting a settlement of 79 million as well as the residence your ex husband and you shared. He has already moved out, and the house will be ready for you to move in, sell or rent out. We are just waiting on a fax from Mister Taisho that will be coming in as soon as he gets into his office." Her lawyer quickly informed, his aging voice sounded tired.

"Alright, that sounds good, thank you so much Mr. Hamilton I will send you your check as soon as the money gets into the bank!" She promised.

"Not a problem, you have a good night now. Good-bye!" Before she could even reply the phone was dead.

She had just turned the volume back on when the phone rang again. Glancing at the screen she let the voice mail answer instead. Her phone vibrated seconds after going silent. This is the fourth time her mother had called, but Rin knew what she would say, she couldn't face the sadness she knew would be in her mothers voice. Just like she couldn't face the pity she knew would be in Sango and Kagome's which is why she'd ignored their calls all day as well.

It had been almost 8 months since the day Irina died. At nine years old her baby was thrown from the car, ejected through the glass window, her small body had been scrapped along the underbrush of the nearby woods only to be stopped by the thick trunk of a tree. Skull fractured, massive internal bleeding, lungs collapsed, her ribs broken, her arm and neck snapped. She was gone before the ambulance even left the hospital.

Jasper was killed upon impact. The puppy was cremated and laid to rest as well in a nearby pet cemetery.

Sesshomaru had served her with the divorce papers himself, the second the service was over. He'd strolled over, his hair loose, tuxedo black, tie black, undershirt black, eyes deadly and so very cold. "My lawyer will be contacting you within the next 48 hours." It was the last time he'd ever spoken to her.

Upon investigation Rin was found innocent, the victim of a terrible accident. The deer had come out, frightened the woman in the oncoming lane next to the small car Rin and Irina were in. She had swerved to miss it and ended up slamming into them, sending Rin's small family off the road down into the incline below and destroying the love that had kept her strong.

Rin was still in a legal battle with the woman who was 78 years old and whose license had been out of date for the last 4 years due to her poor eye sight.

A knock at the door brought Rin out of her stuppor. Bella, the now 5 month old puppy Rin had received as a gift from Inuyasha and Kagome ran over, her tail high on the alert. She barked softly and waited for Rin to walk over.

"Who is it?" She asked through the door, peeking out the peep hole.

"Its Sango." The alto voice came through.

"And Kagome!" Came a higher pitched reply.

"Hold on," Rin called, "Bell, sit girl." She commanded, and the animal complied stomping its front paws with impatience while Rin opened the door and stepped aside letting in her oldest friends.

Two sets of eyes fixed on her, four arms wrapped around her and the three women cried together.

"She would have been ten today." Rin choked out, gasping for breath and clutching Sango's arm and Kagomes' hand.

Sango led them to the couch and together they sat.

Hours later, her food now sitting cold forgotten on the coffee table Rin lay still on the couch, her head resting in Sango's lap feet in Kagome's. Eyes puffy from the tears, voice thick with the pain she murmured, "The divorce is settled. Monday, it'll all be over."

Sango ran her fingers through Rin's hair pulling it away from her saddened face, "That was quick." Kagome said.

"Yeah, I know. I had told them I didn't want anything from Sesshomaru but he gave me the mansion, and about ¼ of his net worth." Rin looked up at her friends, "Why couldn't he have just let me be? Why did he have to show up that day? He just drug me off into his car, made me his wife, made my daughter love him and for what?" Rin asked. "I'm too old and too young to understand and to be going through this." Rin cried, "My husband left me, my baby is dead and I'm so sick of asking god why. Why did he kill my baby? She was so innocent, she wasn't ready to go..." Crumpling back into her friends arms she let the pain soak into her bones, and cried.

Kagome leaned forward her eyes large and full of truth, "It's his will, Rin. Sesshomaru I can't speak for but you Rin... You will see her again. She was always yours, and your hers. Its so dark right now but in time your gonna find that light again and be in that warm place."

"I'm so sad," Rin cried. "She was mine, she was the only person who really loved me. And now she's gone. I can't hold her, I can't touch her face, I can't run my fingers through her hair, I can't hear her voice, she had the prettiest clearest voice, and her eyes were so gorgeous, I go to sleep at night and your gonna think I'm crazy but I can feel her crawl in with me like she used to, I can feel her still. She can't be gone."

"You'll find her again, someday."

Rin woke in the night, her bedside alarm read 4:52 AM, inside her apartment all was quiet. Beside her, a mature Bell slept peacefully, and outside a light snow fell the cold chilling the room faster than her aging heater could warm it.

Wondering what could have interrupted her slumber Rin shrugged it off and rolled herself back over already halfway into her dreams she heard it.

The light padding of feet. Small, childlike with quick the steps of someone whose' legs hadn't had time to finish growing. Then suddenly they stopped and for a moment Rin's heart stopped. Like a bell ringing through the silent night the voice came as though the child was sitting right beside her, as though she could look over her shoulder and see her babies curious face still riddled with sleep questioning her, "Mama?"

Rin threw the blankets off and leaped from the bed at the same time Bella did. The dog stood, fur standing straight up, teeth barred eyes focused on at the empty bed growling ferociously. Wide eyed and afraid Rin reached out to the air. "Irina?"

But there was no answer, just the sound of the freezing world around them. And then Rin remembered. Running to the calender tacked to her kitchen wall, flipping on the light she gasped.

'Happy-Birthday Daddy!' It read in a childs print. February 3rd, it was Sesshomaru's Birthday.

And just like that she fell. Her heart broke again after months of keeping her sanity she knew her daughter had always wanted them together, the only thing the child had wanted and she'd been unable to give it to her.

The divorce had been settled for 5 months, Sesshomaru had taken in his former bride and together they'd finally been able to have the child they'd been denied all those years before. He and Kagura were written in the stars while he and Rin were just a tragedy lost in time never to be repeated.

Shaken she picked herself from the floor, soothed her pacing dog and together they crawled back into bed and in her dreams she saw her.

Eyes like her father, lips of her mother, hair like liquid silver, skin clear and smooth as porcelain. As beautiful as a rose, Rin watched on as she grew from a babe, screaming as she was borne into this world. She watched the babe stretch into the lanky child Rin recognized as her own and still she grew. Her body changing into a sweet faced teen and finally morphing into the heart stopping young woman Rin knew she become. The woman smiled, her lips rouge eyes sparkling, "Mama." She whispered to Rin, lifting her arm she waved good-bye. Turning her back to Rin she slipped away into the light and leaving Rin staring after her in the dark.

The next day Rin sold the mansion Sesshomaru had given her.

Years later Rin was proposed to. Sango cried at the news of the engagement and Kagome laughed, because her wedding was the same day her second child was to be born. Rin married, she bore 3 children in the coming years, all were all black haired, brown eyed. All had her tan skin and Kohaku's hazel eyes.

She watched her children grow, always afraid of letting them go too far, always hovering for fear of losing another.

More years came and went, Irina's grave stone withered and her angel dulled, Rin never failed to visit every fall, and tell her other children of the sister they never met. Bella grew old and frail, eventually the old girl gave in and death came for her.

Rin's mother loved her growing family, she talked fondly to them of their grandpa who'd also passed before their time. The old woman lived to see her second great grand child when death knocked at their door once again.

Sesshomaru had had his heir and never added on, the boy was a looker just like his father and mother before him. Kagura lived happily in the life she'd planned on living. The Taisho's company grew to a global scale and eventually Sesshomaru and Kagura moved to a country in hopes of promoting it further. There they stayed. On a trip back from the states Sesshomaru's plane went down over the Mexican Gulf. His body was never recovered, and so death had its third.

But with this loss came a revelation, stated in his will was that Rin shall receive a fund of 40 million, and an additional 10 for her children leaving the rest to his own family.

His brother was the bearer of this news and he was the one to watch Rin shred the check and curse Sesshomaru's name.

No one understood why his brother had done this, no one but Kohaku.

Kohaku who had picked up the phone that long ago night, Kohaku who had told Sesshomaru it was too late, that she was his and he'd never let Sesshomaru hurt her again. Kohaku who had fought the demon always plaguing Rin's heart, he understood. Kohaku who never told a soul and took the knowledge with him to the grave.

It was because the Sesshomaru was so in love with Rin. A secret hidden so deep in the man's heart even he never knew.

**SUENA: Thank you to everyone for reading this story and keeping up with it through the years. It was always a challenge to write each chapter because this story broke my heart and I tried so hard to keep everyone in character while also trying to keep it as realistic as possible. I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. **

**I do not own Inuyasha, and song set at the beginning of this chapter is called, "See You Again," by Carrie Underwood. **


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